Clean up in aisle ?

Moms clean things... lots of things.  They pick up toys, wash clothes, clean skinned knees... They make sure that kids go to school and church and birthday parties all sparkly clean, and then they hose them down when they get home so that they are ready to start all over again.   Most of the time, moms do this without thinking... we even have a tendency to do the "cleaning" outside of our own homes and our own children.  It tends to spread to other parts of our lives, like cleaning up after co-workers in the break room or supply closet, and putting things back in order when shopping in Department Stores and Grocery Stores.  Cleaning things up is just a part of who we are...

How did we get like this?  Is there just some genetic code that gets passed from woman to woman through time?  Did we inherit the quality from our own mothers through their examples?  Why are the same demands not typically made of our male counterparts?  Do we just take over, seize control, and not LET them help?  Have we trained them to just wait for us to clean up every mess, because they know that eventually we will?

I find myself spending too much time lately contemplating my "clean up" skills.  By nature, I like things to be organized and put in their places.  Over time, I have learned to accept more disorder in favor of spending time on more important things than cleaning.  That is not to say that there is junk piled all around the house (I shiver at the thought)...but, I don't have a pristine house either.  I try to teach O that when she is done with something she needs to put it away...that usually means that I help, but hopefully the lesson is getting through.  Regardless, I am involved in the clean-up process...and as a mom, it is just part of the job description.

While being the clean up crew for a toddler is pretty easy to accept, I find myself bristling at being in the same position when it comes to dealing with a few other situations...  In my personal relationships, I have more often than not been in the position of needing to clean up some sort of mess that the significant other in my life created... sometimes that mess involved other personal relationships, sometimes the problem involved finances, and sometimes just a general inability to take responsibility for actions.  Just seems that I always find myself feeling obligated to be the "fixer".

The true question here is this... How do you break free of the cycle when you have trained someone else to believe that you will always fix the mess?  Why am I surprised when problems seem to end up being dumped in my lap...once again?  After all, didn't I create the monster?  I think the reason that I get angry is that I feel powerless...  How do I take control of the situation?  How do I position myself so that I have some leverage?  Or, do I just need to accept the fact that some people can't be depended on to take care of their own responsibilities?  Some people don't have the capacity or the desire to stand on their own two feet...they will always take advantage of others in their life.  I don't want to create the situation where I am depended on to clean up every mess, but maybe I do?

Valentine's Day?

I detest February...every single thing about the entire month, really.  I know this sounds like a bad attitude, and, well...it is a bad attitude.  February is the month each year that I could just "skip".  By the time February rolls around I have pretty much had it with winter and am ready for some warm weather...I am sick of being pale and pasty looking; I am sick of being cooped up in the house; sick of a million extra things I need to cart around to keep myself and O warm and dry; sick of schlepping around in the muck; sick of the dirty, ugly snow and lack of color.  I could go on and on and on... What is there about February to redeem itself (okay, besides the Packers winning the Super Bowl...THAT was good)?????  What?

A group of us at work had this conversation just the other day and I was told that Valentine's Day is the thing that redeems February... There was a collective dreamy sigh from the majority and general ooey, gooeyness over Valentine's Day... So, following all of my whining about weather, etc., I felt like an even bigger jerk when I admitted...I am not really a fan of Valentine's Day either.  Gasp!  What?  Not a fan of Valentine's Day?  How is that possible?

Okay...  So, here is my thing about Valentine's Day...  It does not seem very authentic to me... A holiday that mandates that you tell someone you love them and shower them with gifts feels pretend to me.  Pressure is on those who have a sweetheart to either do something fabulous, or appear to be unfeeling and less than enamored with the one you claim to love.  If, on the other hand, you fold under the pressure and produce some fantastic demonstration of your love...doesn't that seem like showing off?

Maybe my attitude stems from my own experience... When I was in high school, I dated a guy that basically ticked off the entire school when he almost completely bought out the Student Council Valentine's Sucker Sale and had them all sent to me...yes, it caused a stir and I got plenty of attention on delivery day.  Did I feel more loved or more special?  At the time, I think I did, but in hindsight I know that he was just going for maximum drama. 

Rather than being a public display of affection... Shouldn't telling someone how much they mean to you and how crazy in love with them you are just be about the two of you?  Between the two of you?  Why does everyone else need to be involved somehow (if only on the fringes)?  For me, the best way to let me know that you care is through little everyday things... Make time for me in your life; involve me in the things you care about; give me a helping hand when I need someone; listen when I am sad; celebrate with me when I am happy; and let me share those same feelings with you when you have them.

My advice?  Big bouquets of overpriced roses, boxes of fancy chocolates, and sparkly jewels are all nice and you can feel free to shower me with any of those, at any time, randomly, throughout the year... but, it should never feel like a requirement for Valentine's Day or any day, and it is definitely unnecessary.  You can show me in a million smaller ways how much you care about me and those things will last longer and mean so very much more to me...