There are all kinds of families... there are the picture-perfect, magazine ad ones with mom and dad and their two kids, there are the single parents that raise their children on their own, the broken families that have two of everything including houses and holidays, the makeshift families that are created out of love, rather than blood, when there is no blood... And there are the families that "happen", that grow out of all the less than perfect families they started out as... These connections make us who we are.
I have been a part of the picture perfect family... I grew up in a typical middle-class family, with grandparents and lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was always fortunate to know that I was a part of something that was created over generations. I also experienced a hybrid of a broken family when my parents divorced when I was twenty-two... We didn't have two of everything, but things were different...we still spent some holidays all together, and there was always enough peace to celebrate the good things that came to each of us as if we still were a family. Weddings and babies...those things brought us together.
And then it happened... My parents each found a "someone" and began new families... Suddenly, I found that I had twice as many siblings, and another set of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. When I was younger it seemed a little overwhelming and maybe even a bit intimidating... Where did I fit in? Would I always be a "step" something to my new family? Would a time come when I would feel as comfortable with my new family as I did with the one that I grew up with?
I have been so fortunate... My step-mom has become so very important to me and is someone that I turn to often when I need advice, encouragement, and support. We have grown so very close over the years since she married my dad, and I truly cannot imagine my life without her in it. She is another "mom" to me... She is a valued confidant and friend. I think our relationship has grown not only because we love and respect each other, but also because we know we are lucky to have been thrown together by chance and circumstance.
My step-mom lost her dad to cancer this week and I am heartbroken for her and for my step-siblings... I feel all of the usual helplessness that comes with loving someone and having an inability to "fix" the situation. Losing Grandpa Fred is a loss for O and I, too... We have been so lucky to have been brought into the extended family with open arms and a warm embrace... We are always included in family holidays and gatherings, and Grandma never forgets a birthday or to remember us at Christmas. I have aunts and uncles that care about O and I and are interested in our lives... I have more cousins and siblings to gossip and shop and yes, drink and dance with...
The end of Grandpa's life has been a good reminder to me of what family is really about. Families come together in all sorts of different ways. Over time, families grow and they change and they learn to love each other...no matter how they came together. I have been truly lucky to have "fallen into" this family... It has been such an uplifting experience to see them pull together in their grief, to watch them take care of each other, and have fun with each other, and celebrate someone they held so dear. And to know that I am a part of them is best of all...
