Priorities

Guilt...is feeling a constant nagging guilt just all a part of motherhood? I try to maintain this work/life balance I have heard so much about...work four days a week and spend an extra day at home with my daughter. Sounds like the best of both worlds, right?! Most of the time it IS the best...but then there are those days (or weeks, as this one seems to be) when "balance" seems like an act at the circus and I seem to have lost my ticket.

Last Friday about 4pm I finally owned up to the fact that I couldn't possibly stay at home on Monday with little O and still get a particular project completed on time. So, I grudgingly got permission to bring little O to school an extra day this week so that I could work an extra day. The guilt began with that initial phone call and continued at home when my husband questioned why I needed to go in...no one else gives up their day off, what about what little O needs, etc., etc., etc. I then spent the day at work Monday feeling rotten that I wasn't at home with little O playing with her and giving her my undivided attention.

That was Monday... Tuesday and Wednesday night my husband came home from work with a pile of file folders, letting me know that he was swamped at work and would need to work most of the evening (Tuesday that meant no dinner either). Ironically, I managed to fix dinner, give little O her bath, get her to bed, clean the kitchen, do two loads of laundry, and THEN took a look at the work I had brought home. Seems we are both swamped, right? What I find most interesting is that it didn't occur to me to bring some guilt trip down upon my husband's shoulders because he hasn't spent time with little O this week (Thursday night he golfs in his league)...but the knee-jerk reaction when I am busy with work is that I am not giving little O the attention she deserves.

So, I have to ask myself, who is really responsible for the guilt trip I find myself burdened with? Once again, it seems that I am my own worst enemy. Sure, my husband's comments are not exactly supportive in a way that I would like, but the only person who suffers or feels that they have to rationalize their choices is me. In a final twist on the whole story...the meeting for the project I spent the day working on Monday got cancelled on Tuesday. Is it Friday yet?