Maybe it is the way that I grew up, but wasting things annoys me... and it isn't just about wasting really important things (like money), but it also bugs me when things like paper towels, or the last bite of a hamburger go to waste. I have been thinking about this one lately because I keep seeing waste and it irritates me. Little O's Dad could possibly be the King of waste...buys produce that I am throwing out two weeks later, seems to use half the roll of tp at each sitting, etc. I try to keep some perspective and let the little things go, but lately it has been hard.
I think it is on my mind more lately partially because I have also been thinking about time being wasted... How much time do I waste on things that aren't important? Do I watch too much tv? Am I so lost in every day activities when I am home that I am losing time that I should be spending with Little O? And what about the future? Little O's Dad and I have been going through a rough spell for quite some time and sometimes I fear that I will wake up years from now and wonder why I wasted so many years in a bad situation. As I've said before, time is just one of those things that slips away...I don't want to waste the time that I have.
Maybe it isn't just about wasting time... Maybe it is also about wasting energy on all the wrong things. I keep coaching myself lately that I need to keep my focus on Little O and doing the things that are best for her. I put so much energy into thinking about what is right or best, but AM I focused on what is right for her, or is it about what I want and need? Is it wrong to spend time thinking about myself? Do I need to make myself happy first? If I am happy does that mean I will be a better mom and able to focus more on her? None of the answers are easy or obvious, so I guess I'll just keep asking the questions.
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