New Year, New Life

Happy New Year! Seems like the past year was both the longest and shortest ever...how is that possible? While the time seems to fly by as I watch Little O grow and change every day, my own life seems to be "stuck" in the same place. But this is a new year... I have finally faced the inevitable and taken the step of filing the papers that mean I will once again be on my own.

So many emotions swirl around this decision... I look forward to "freedom" and the opportunity to focus on O and my job and being the best "me" that I can be. But a small part of me, the part that wants to be okay with being on their own but just isn't sure, wonders if there will ever be another someone who I will matter to. Why do I care about this? I want to want to be on my own from now until forever, and yet there is this insane part of me that seems to want there to be a someone. You would think that by now I had learned my lesson... The rational part of me thinks that the third time is NOT the charm, but the not so rational part of me doesn't want to be alone forever. I keep trying to coach myself into believing that I can be a woman who has men in her life but doesn't let herself fall in love with one of them or depend on one of them for validation. The question is this... how do I make myself believe that it is okay to be alone?