Rejecting Technology?

I seem to be thinking a lot about technology lately and how it has such a big impact on my life... both at work and home, I rely on technology in a lot of different ways. Most significantly, I rely on technology to communicate. These days, there are just so many ways to stay in touch... land lines, cell phones, email, voice mail, instant messaging, texting, Facebook...and, oh yeah, there are still handwritten letters and cards. Today we are so connected that everything is instantaneous and to wait for a return email longer than twenty-four hours feels like forever.

The result? Send an email, wait 15 minutes, look for a response... check your cell for a voice mail, check cell for text... check computer in case you missed the ping of a new email. Go back to cell... Run errands, checking cell to see if an email or text has come in... Get home, check computer for email... etc, etc, etc... round and round we go. It makes me dizzier than a merry-go-round. And sometimes, just as frustrated... The amusing part of all of it is that we all like to think that it is thanks to technology that we are all MORE connected and have access to each other instantly. The reality is that we have instant access, so long as both sides of the conversation are engaged...

At work, this takes on a whole new dimension... Work is crazy these days and I find that the blessing and curse of a corporate Blackjack is that at all times I know exactly who is looking for me and needs me to resolve an issue... I also find myself tossing and turning instead of sleeping because I am getting voice mails or emails in the evening telling me we have a "problem" with something at work. The sleepless nights are as much my fault as anything... If I could just turn the dumb phone off when I got home instead of checking it a couple times each evening, I wouldn't know there was a problem...until AFTER I had a good night's rest.

So, I guess the lesson here is this... Technology is wonderful in a host of ways, but you also have to learn how to take yourself off the grid and just let things happen. The reality is that a few hours "off" isn't typically going to be a problem... as soon as you are connected again you'll be able to catch right up with everyone!

How to be a Good Mom...

What makes a mom "good" at being a mom? Who even decides? I recently had drinks with some mom friends and one of them said during the conversation "I'm not a good mom, I have to try hard to be a good mom, work on it"... as you might expect, the other moms all disputed this, reassuring her that of course she is a good mom! I got to thinking about her comment later and realized, I actually feel the same way...

Some women naturally take to mothering... they have the patience, imagination, caring nature, etc. that just makes being a mom come easy to them. But, for some of us, I think it is safe to say that it does take some real focus to be a good mom. Now, the definition of "good mom", is also somewhat ambiguous, but in general it turns out to be whatever ideal the "not so good" moms think the good moms have defined it to be.

Why do we do this to ourselves? In part (for those of us who work), I think this has to do with some insecurity about whether we have made the right decisions about having a family and a career... I think we put the pressure on ourselves, believing that everyone else is judging us on that decision. But, I also think part of the issue is pushing ourselves to be perfect all the time at being moms...as if anything less than perfection means that our children will grow up to be juvenile delinquents. Not so in most cases... Maybe, when we are less than perfect, it even teaches our kids that it is okay to make mistakes. After all, the world is full of imperfection...this we know.

Regardless... For those of us that feel less than natural at the job, we do have to make the extra effort to feel like we are doing a good job. There is nothing wrong with making it a priority to focus on being a mom, right? So, maybe, it is okay to have that little voice in your head to "coach" you when you are about to lose your patience and strangle a toddler that won't listen. I think that just means we are aware of the things we do and the impact those actions have on our kids. I do think we have to be careful, however, not to push ourselves all the time to analyze every decision we make or judge ourselves harshly when we make a few mistakes along the way.

And to my mom friend who thinks she isn't a good mom... I know you are a good mom...you are real to your kids and your success is seen every day in their achievements. So, your focus is working...but don't be so hard on yourself and celebrate those successes! And if you need some help with the celebrating part... you know who to call.

Fairy Tales...

O has been on a princess kick for quite some time... I am not really sure how it started. Actually, I find it interesting that it just sort of happened... She loves to put on her princess dress, her fancy heels, her crown, and then dance around the house putting spells on people with her magic wand. But it isn't just about the getup, it is also about her favorite fairy tales... she adores Sleeping Beauty, and Beauty and the Beast especially. The stories are part of the attraction.

And somehow, the stories from our childhoods seem to turn into a grownup fascination with fairy tales, too. What I wonder is this... Is there some gene in girls that just makes us want to dress up and be surrounded by all things magical? And why does the dress up from our childhood seem to turn into an endless search for our own fairy tale? Why do those fairy tales seem to require that the "happily ever after" includes true love? When does the fantasy from our childhood change from loving the glitter and magic to wanting to be rescued?

Examples of grownup fairy tales are everywhere... television and movies provide countless versions of an age-old formula. From Hope Floats to Dirty Dancing, time and again we see the princess get her prince and ride off into the sunset. But does that ever really happen? Really? Is there such a thing as a soul mate? Are some people just destined to find each other, or is it just lucky when it happens? Are we all just hopeless romantics? Or is it hopeful romantics? Does watching all those movies just make us believe in all of it more, or give us a place to escape and a few hours to believe it could be?

To say that my view on this is somewhat jaded might be an understatement... The truth is that I think I stopped believing in soul mates and fairy tales quite some time ago. But, like so many others, I find myself just as enamored with all those same stories... In Pretty Woman, when Vivian asks Kit "who does it work out for?" and her answer is "cinda-fuckin-rella", I smirk every time... and yet half an hour later Edward climbs up the fire escape and wisks her away... Is it the sarcasm that has me watching that movie over and over, or the idea that maybe, some times, things do have a way of working out even if you've made all the wrong choices up until now?

All is right...

You know the saying, "all is right in the world"? It seems impossible, right? All being right in the world... I mean, let's just take a look around the world... War, hunger, sickness, despair, loss... rarely is ALL right in the world. It seems impossible, really, that everything would be right everywhere. But, let's take the same logic and apply it to a smaller world... your own.

There are those days that I do think to myself... things are just right. Take for instance this weekend... O is home with me for a nice long weekend. We have no real plans beyond an impromptu family picnic that has been thrown together in the last few hours. She is taking her nap, and I just have to say that while I am alone, it feels different than being here without her. There is something right about things when she is here with me, even if she is sleeping upstairs.

So... what makes your world feel right? I know that it may sound trite... but there really is a lot to be said for the simple things. Many times the small things are what makes things right... just being with someone that you love, and knowing they are close, can make all the difference. Here is hoping that things are right in your world...