What makes a mom "good" at being a mom? Who even decides? I recently had drinks with some mom friends and one of them said during the conversation "I'm not a good mom, I have to try hard to be a good mom, work on it"... as you might expect, the other moms all disputed this, reassuring her that of course she is a good mom! I got to thinking about her comment later and realized, I actually feel the same way...
Some women naturally take to mothering... they have the patience, imagination, caring nature, etc. that just makes being a mom come easy to them. But, for some of us, I think it is safe to say that it does take some real focus to be a good mom. Now, the definition of "good mom", is also somewhat ambiguous, but in general it turns out to be whatever ideal the "not so good" moms think the good moms have defined it to be.
Why do we do this to ourselves? In part (for those of us who work), I think this has to do with some insecurity about whether we have made the right decisions about having a family and a career... I think we put the pressure on ourselves, believing that everyone else is judging us on that decision. But, I also think part of the issue is pushing ourselves to be perfect all the time at being moms...as if anything less than perfection means that our children will grow up to be juvenile delinquents. Not so in most cases... Maybe, when we are less than perfect, it even teaches our kids that it is okay to make mistakes. After all, the world is full of imperfection...this we know.
Regardless... For those of us that feel less than natural at the job, we do have to make the extra effort to feel like we are doing a good job. There is nothing wrong with making it a priority to focus on being a mom, right? So, maybe, it is okay to have that little voice in your head to "coach" you when you are about to lose your patience and strangle a toddler that won't listen. I think that just means we are aware of the things we do and the impact those actions have on our kids. I do think we have to be careful, however, not to push ourselves all the time to analyze every decision we make or judge ourselves harshly when we make a few mistakes along the way.
And to my mom friend who thinks she isn't a good mom... I know you are a good mom...you are real to your kids and your success is seen every day in their achievements. So, your focus is working...but don't be so hard on yourself and celebrate those successes! And if you need some help with the celebrating part... you know who to call.
No comments:
Post a Comment