Between Sisters

There was this moment in San Francisco when the bus taking my sister and I to the airport pulled into the terminal and the first stop was for my flight...only my flight...and all of a sudden I realized that I had to say good-bye to my sister...again.  It was just one of those moments where I realized how much she means to me, and how hard it is to have her live half the country away from me.  Of course on a daily basis I do realize how far away she is, but time is one of those things that just helps to make some things easier.  E-mail and the telephone make the distance bearable, and between visits I think that I am lulled into accepting the situation...day-to-day life just takes over and fills the time until we see each other again. 

The irony of all this is that my sister and I did not always have an ideal relationship... I grew up in a family where I was the oldest of three siblings...  My sister (younger by 4 1/2 years) and I were the bookends on either side of my brother, and more times than not we were also at odds with each other.  I was the oldest with the pressure to always do everything right, set a good example, etc.  Sara was the baby and seemed to me to be at an advantage due to my parents being more flexible on things after my brother and I paved the way before her...after all, we were so "good", that they assumed she would be, too.

As the two girls in the family, Sara and I had to share everything...clothes, our bedroom, and of course our brother... It seemed like there was always a reason that we were in competition with each other.  Whether it was for attention from our parents, or our brother, it seemed like we were two very different people looking for the same kind of acceptance and approval.  We wasted most of our pre-teen and teenage years being mad at each other for one thing or another.  I think maybe it all boiled down to each of us wanting not only some independence from each other but also acceptance of each other, regardless of the differences. 

Time has helped our relationship, too.  I have learned to value having a sister.  There is something special about a sister... Growing up, I didn't really know this...but as an adult I appreciate my sister more and more all the time.  We come from the same place...we share the same memories of our family growing up...happy times and the sad moments, including our parents divorce.  For my sister and I, I think the turning point in our relationship was our parents divorce...suddenly, it became clear that we needed to rely on each other and that no one else could possibly understand what we were going through.

From the perspective of a grown woman, this is what I know about my sister... She is the person who knows me best, the one who I can talk to about anything who will tell me what I need to hear... She and I can get together after six-months of being apart and pick up right where we left off.  I value her advice and judgment, and I laugh more with her than with anyone about things that only the two of us would laugh about.  The two of us ARE different...she is fearless, street-smart, and has the great skin; I am the practical caretaker, adaptable, and got the hair.  She drives, I navigate.  We see the very best in each other, and each of us would take on the rest of the world to protect the other one.  I am so thankful to have you, Sara...and thankful we could take that trip together!

The Bachelor: On the Wings of What?????

Okay, so I am slow getting around to watching the shows on my DVR... Now that I have, well, I'm pissed off... I am, it's true.  I'm just mad, and the frustrating thing is that I don't even know for sure why I am so angry.  Good news is that I do know exactly where I want to lay the blame for it...on the television show The Bachelor.

Yes, I admit it... I am one of those girls that has watched this show for years...many years in fact.  Since the days of Trista and Ryan, I have tuned in season after season to see the trials of reality tv love.  For most of those years, I have cheered on the women that I thought were special and hoped that the right man would see how wonderful they were.  I have doubted that you could really find true love with a million cameras all around you, but that has not stopped me from wishing them all well and hoping that for them, it could work.

I have to say that my attitude this season is not the best... I admit that Jake is not one of my favorite bachelors.  I did not care for him when he was one of the crowd chasing after Jillian, and I can tell you that he has not really grown on me during his own season.  Don't get me wrong... He may be the nicest, best manners, most perfect abs ever guy, but something about him doesn't sit right with me.

The course of this season has not helped.  Hours before Jake is suppose to be proposing (and did) he actually took two rings from the jeweler because he could not figure out who he was proposing to.  Are you kidding me?  You don't think that if you can't choose, that maybe that is a sign that you shouldn't choose?  Shouldn't you know by that point who it is you are meant to be with?  They might both be great, but can you really, I mean REALLY be completely in love with both of these women?  And, quite frankly, if I am these two women...  When the tape rolls on this one, I am not sure I want to be the one he picked considering that he couldn't figure out who was meant for him.

So, the mad thing?  Well it really just comes down to this... I want to believe (doesn't every girl) that a man could be completely consumed with how he feels about one woman...  I want to believe that it exists, an amazing connection with a man that is emotional, physical, spiritual and strong enough to withstand all of the challenges in life.  But I am afraid to believe it, because it seems that there is evidence to the contrary all around me (Jake included).  If soul mates and finding "the one" are real possibilities there shouldn't be so much confusion.  When the right one (the REAL right one) comes along you should just know, shouldn't you?  However, my head tells me that what I want to believe in does not exist...the idea of it all is just a myth.  I think the bottom line is that I am just mad that the rational part of me can't seem to be proven wrong.

I do know that technically none of this is Jake's fault...  It is not like this is the first time I have considered this whole thing or been annoyed for not being able to figure it out.  I just really would like evidence that my head is wrong and that there is a reason to believe in the myth.  Because if the myth is just so much crap, where does that leave me exactly?  How does that translate into expectations for future relationships?  I am not sure.  But thanks to The Bachelor my head seems to be right again...and it ticks me off.  So, I am blaming all of my frustration on Jake...because I don't like him anyway and it just makes me feel (a little) better.