There was this moment in San Francisco when the bus taking my sister and I to the airport pulled into the terminal and the first stop was for my flight...only my flight...and all of a sudden I realized that I had to say good-bye to my sister...again. It was just one of those moments where I realized how much she means to me, and how hard it is to have her live half the country away from me. Of course on a daily basis I do realize how far away she is, but time is one of those things that just helps to make some things easier. E-mail and the telephone make the distance bearable, and between visits I think that I am lulled into accepting the situation...day-to-day life just takes over and fills the time until we see each other again.
The irony of all this is that my sister and I did not always have an ideal relationship... I grew up in a family where I was the oldest of three siblings... My sister (younger by 4 1/2 years) and I were the bookends on either side of my brother, and more times than not we were also at odds with each other. I was the oldest with the pressure to always do everything right, set a good example, etc. Sara was the baby and seemed to me to be at an advantage due to my parents being more flexible on things after my brother and I paved the way before her...after all, we were so "good", that they assumed she would be, too.
As the two girls in the family, Sara and I had to share everything...clothes, our bedroom, and of course our brother... It seemed like there was always a reason that we were in competition with each other. Whether it was for attention from our parents, or our brother, it seemed like we were two very different people looking for the same kind of acceptance and approval. We wasted most of our pre-teen and teenage years being mad at each other for one thing or another. I think maybe it all boiled down to each of us wanting not only some independence from each other but also acceptance of each other, regardless of the differences.
Time has helped our relationship, too. I have learned to value having a sister. There is something special about a sister... Growing up, I didn't really know this...but as an adult I appreciate my sister more and more all the time. We come from the same place...we share the same memories of our family growing up...happy times and the sad moments, including our parents divorce. For my sister and I, I think the turning point in our relationship was our parents divorce...suddenly, it became clear that we needed to rely on each other and that no one else could possibly understand what we were going through.
From the perspective of a grown woman, this is what I know about my sister... She is the person who knows me best, the one who I can talk to about anything who will tell me what I need to hear... She and I can get together after six-months of being apart and pick up right where we left off. I value her advice and judgment, and I laugh more with her than with anyone about things that only the two of us would laugh about. The two of us ARE different...she is fearless, street-smart, and has the great skin; I am the practical caretaker, adaptable, and got the hair. She drives, I navigate. We see the very best in each other, and each of us would take on the rest of the world to protect the other one. I am so thankful to have you, Sara...and thankful we could take that trip together!
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