Just a day following the premiere of Sex and the City 2... My sister-in-law and I are in the midst of rounding up a group of girls to get dressed up, have dinner (and a cocktail), and go see the movie. We are all looking forward to it... I think I have actually been looking forward to it for months...which seems a little silly? So the question is this...what is the big appeal? Why was the series so popular...and why have I seen every episode at least three, four, five (?) times??? Thankfully my addiction is satisfied by the series turning into more than just one movie...
So, the appeal... Those of you who know me well might guess I would say it has something to do with the shoes, purses, and just plain fantastic fashion...I COULD just spend two hours watching the steady stream of great footwear and be completely happy, I admit it. How cool is it to be riding a camel, in the desert, in $1000 dollar shoes?!?! But, there IS more to it than just all of the great clothes... The clothes are just "dress up"... Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte...together, they represent the best (and worst) in all of us. And I think there is a little bit of each of them (more of some things and less of others) that we each recognize and can relate to...
The four of them are...
Carrie...sassy, sexy, sweet, always falling in love with the wrong man in her search to find the right one (who happens to be right there all along)...
Miranda...practical, smart, cynical and forever trying to hide a vulnerable heart behind a tough exterior...
Samantha...street-smart, savvy, bold, talks like a man (and screws like one, too)...
Charlotte...dreamy, romantic, rule follower with a nurturing spirit...
The "girls" represent all that it is to be a woman, and they teach us that no matter what happens, some of the most important relationships in life are the girlfriends that you can always count on. Girlfriends are the ones that will laugh with you, cry with you, share your secrets, and support you when you need a shoulder. And the differences that you have between you are just a part of what makes you stronger when you are together. These are the women that will tell you the things that you need to hear, even when you don't want to hear them, they hold your hand when your heart breaks, and they celebrate when the best things come your way. They are your teachers, therapists, companions, and sisters (sometimes they really ARE your sisters)...
So, gather the fantastic women in your life...and spend some time with them because it does matter. Oh, and maybe get dressed up and wear some great heels, while you're at it... I'll see you at the movie!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Happiest Place on Earth...
O is pretty excited... in two weeks she is leaving for Disney in Florida, and it is the only thing she is talking about..."mama, I'm going to have breakfast with the Princesses...the REAL princesses!!!". The prospect of seeing all of her favorites up close and for real IS pretty exciting...and it is fun for me to see her so excited. Just one little note... she will be doing all of this with her dad, and I will not actually be a part of any of it.
I am trying to only be excited for her and to put away all of my "worry thoughts" about her dad being in charge of getting through the airport, putting sunscreen on, not losing her at Disney, etc... To make matters worse, O's Dad asked me to go shopping to buy her "vacation" clothes. He is not typically inept when it comes to these things...I mean, how hard is it to buy a girl shorts, t-shirts and sundresses??? So, the situation begs the question... Is he asking me to do this in order to make the point (just one more time) that my decisions are to blame for my missing out on O's first Disney experience? Regardless, I am doing the shopping...I am not about to send the girl on vacation without the things that she will need. We are just talking about clothes anyway...
Needless to say, when O was born I did not contemplate what it might be like to raise her in a two-household situation... It did not even really occur to me until the custody arrangement was being worked out that at some point she would be going on vacations that would not include me. I know that all that really matters is that she gets a chance to have the experience... But, I would be lying if I didn't admit that it feels wrong for her to be at a place like Disney without me. I am having a hard time knowing that I will miss that look of wonder on her face when she sees the castle and realizes she is REALLY in front of it...that it IS real. This will be the first of her "firsts" that I will miss...and once upon a time (ironically) I promised I would do anything to make sure I would never miss any of them.
The challenge for me is to accept that this is just one of many things she will do without me. Her trip is getting close now and I have to just focus on getting her ready... and making plans for myself while she is gone, to distract myself if nothing else. So...anyone need a dinner date the first week of June?
I am trying to only be excited for her and to put away all of my "worry thoughts" about her dad being in charge of getting through the airport, putting sunscreen on, not losing her at Disney, etc... To make matters worse, O's Dad asked me to go shopping to buy her "vacation" clothes. He is not typically inept when it comes to these things...I mean, how hard is it to buy a girl shorts, t-shirts and sundresses??? So, the situation begs the question... Is he asking me to do this in order to make the point (just one more time) that my decisions are to blame for my missing out on O's first Disney experience? Regardless, I am doing the shopping...I am not about to send the girl on vacation without the things that she will need. We are just talking about clothes anyway...
Needless to say, when O was born I did not contemplate what it might be like to raise her in a two-household situation... It did not even really occur to me until the custody arrangement was being worked out that at some point she would be going on vacations that would not include me. I know that all that really matters is that she gets a chance to have the experience... But, I would be lying if I didn't admit that it feels wrong for her to be at a place like Disney without me. I am having a hard time knowing that I will miss that look of wonder on her face when she sees the castle and realizes she is REALLY in front of it...that it IS real. This will be the first of her "firsts" that I will miss...and once upon a time (ironically) I promised I would do anything to make sure I would never miss any of them.
The challenge for me is to accept that this is just one of many things she will do without me. Her trip is getting close now and I have to just focus on getting her ready... and making plans for myself while she is gone, to distract myself if nothing else. So...anyone need a dinner date the first week of June?
Friday, May 14, 2010
Will You (Not) Marry Me???
I know that people mean well... I know that my friends and family care about me and just want me to have love and happiness in my life. I know...really, I do. But every time one of them makes some reference to my "next husband"...I just have to wonder if they have been paying attention for the last fifteen years? Isn't two husbands enough? I am not on some mission to be the next Liz Taylor... I never actually set out to have multiple husbands... While I know that the hang up about having two ex-husbands is all mine, I can't help but wonder why everyone else in my life seems to think I need a third? Husband that is, not ex...
So, being the analyst that I am... let's face it, we all have some things that we are better or worse (no pun intended) at...some things that just come more naturally to us. Being married has not turned out to be one of my special skills... I have come to believe that I am hard to live with...I know that I can be intense, that I expect a lot of the people that I love, but I also think that I might be worth it because I give a lot in return... I am willing to make compromises to have another person in my life, but I am not going to completely abandon who I am so that you can fit into my life. In my mind there is a big difference between understanding how to give and take in a relationship, and just completely sacrificing who you are to be with someone...
In my perfect world... I haven't come to the decision that I don't want to get married again without thinking it through (thoroughly) and for a lot of good reasons... The bottom line for me is this... I want to have someone in my life, I want to have someone to love... BUT, for me... I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I belong with someone. What does that even mean? Yeah, there is also a lot of paperwork that goes along with a divorce, but that is the least of it all... What I want is to have someone in my life that has to wake up every day and CHOOSE to be with me...or not. I want someone who could walk away at any time, but chooses to stay...because being with me is better than being without me. I don't want to have someone who stays with me because it is easier than doing all of the paperwork, or better than being alone, or better than being truthful about how he feels...
I know this is not conventional... I know that it does not fit into the ideal of what my family and friends want for me... But I also know that they would understand (and be happy) if I had someone in my life that I could love...whether I was married to him or not.
So, being the analyst that I am... let's face it, we all have some things that we are better or worse (no pun intended) at...some things that just come more naturally to us. Being married has not turned out to be one of my special skills... I have come to believe that I am hard to live with...I know that I can be intense, that I expect a lot of the people that I love, but I also think that I might be worth it because I give a lot in return... I am willing to make compromises to have another person in my life, but I am not going to completely abandon who I am so that you can fit into my life. In my mind there is a big difference between understanding how to give and take in a relationship, and just completely sacrificing who you are to be with someone...
In my perfect world... I haven't come to the decision that I don't want to get married again without thinking it through (thoroughly) and for a lot of good reasons... The bottom line for me is this... I want to have someone in my life, I want to have someone to love... BUT, for me... I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I belong with someone. What does that even mean? Yeah, there is also a lot of paperwork that goes along with a divorce, but that is the least of it all... What I want is to have someone in my life that has to wake up every day and CHOOSE to be with me...or not. I want someone who could walk away at any time, but chooses to stay...because being with me is better than being without me. I don't want to have someone who stays with me because it is easier than doing all of the paperwork, or better than being alone, or better than being truthful about how he feels...
I know this is not conventional... I know that it does not fit into the ideal of what my family and friends want for me... But I also know that they would understand (and be happy) if I had someone in my life that I could love...whether I was married to him or not.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
A Mother's Day
The concept of Mother's Day is a good one... Mom, appreciated for all that she does, gets to spend a relaxing day being adored by her family. This all sounds so great, however, I wonder how often it actually happens? I noticed this week that as the other moms that I work with talked about plans for the upcoming weekend, no one seemed to be kicked back and relaxing...more like frantically racing around all week to get things ready. Cookouts, dinners, brunches, coordinating gifts, etc... Everyone seemed to be doing the thing that mothers do best...finding ways to take care of everyone (and everything) else.
Taking care of people IS just part of being a mom... Our first priority tends to be making sure our families have what they need, when they need it, and are completely comfortable. We do those things the same way our mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers did them for their families (including us) before them... And on Mother's Day we take over the responsibility for coordinating the gathering and the gifts because we want to make sure that our mothers, grandmothers, and special women in our lives are celebrated...we want to be sure that they feel like they can relax and are adored by their family. And, let's face it, we don't believe that the "boys" will just take care of all of that if we leave it to them...although they might if we gave them a chance (which we don't/won't)?
So the question is this... On Mother's Day...do we really want to be pampered and taken care of? I mean, it sounds good, really it does, but is that really what we are after? I think mothers just want to know (at least on one day) that what we do all the rest of the days is recognized and matters...we want to believe that our families appreciate us for taking care of the "mom" things. And if that means that we need to coordinate the picnic and pick up the gifts for the women in our lives, well that is just part of what we do. What is most important is that our moms know we love them and value all they do for us.
My Mother's Day? Well, having attended the family picnic the day before (with gifts and dishes-to-pass in hand, by the way), the day is anticipated to be a quiet one spent with O. She brought home a hand-made card from school (already on the fridge) and informed me that for Mother's Day she is going to sing me "happy birthday, because that is what you do on Mother's Day". This is sure to be a perfect day...so long as I don't actually have to HAVE two birthdays this year, I could not ask for a better way to spend my day.
Taking care of people IS just part of being a mom... Our first priority tends to be making sure our families have what they need, when they need it, and are completely comfortable. We do those things the same way our mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers did them for their families (including us) before them... And on Mother's Day we take over the responsibility for coordinating the gathering and the gifts because we want to make sure that our mothers, grandmothers, and special women in our lives are celebrated...we want to be sure that they feel like they can relax and are adored by their family. And, let's face it, we don't believe that the "boys" will just take care of all of that if we leave it to them...although they might if we gave them a chance (which we don't/won't)?
So the question is this... On Mother's Day...do we really want to be pampered and taken care of? I mean, it sounds good, really it does, but is that really what we are after? I think mothers just want to know (at least on one day) that what we do all the rest of the days is recognized and matters...we want to believe that our families appreciate us for taking care of the "mom" things. And if that means that we need to coordinate the picnic and pick up the gifts for the women in our lives, well that is just part of what we do. What is most important is that our moms know we love them and value all they do for us.
My Mother's Day? Well, having attended the family picnic the day before (with gifts and dishes-to-pass in hand, by the way), the day is anticipated to be a quiet one spent with O. She brought home a hand-made card from school (already on the fridge) and informed me that for Mother's Day she is going to sing me "happy birthday, because that is what you do on Mother's Day". This is sure to be a perfect day...so long as I don't actually have to HAVE two birthdays this year, I could not ask for a better way to spend my day.
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