My Old House...

If the walls of this house could talk... I bought this house fresh on the heels of divorce number one...determined to stand on my own two feet, find my independence, and make a new life for myself.  And all of those things happened.  In this house I finished my MBA, found love, became a mom, discovered love isn't always enough, and found myself starting all over for a second time...

While plenty of things have changed over the eight years I have lived in this house, one thing has remained consistent...this is the place that I call home.  This house has been witness to the best and worst parts of my life, seen me celebrate the happy times and wrapped me in comfort in the tougher times.  O was days old when we brought her to this home, she took her first steps here, spent a sleepless night in my arms when she had croup, became a little girl before my eyes, and starting sleeping beside me when we both needed some comfort.

Part of me can't wait to sell this house and walk away...  It means a chance to move on and make new memories, leaving behind the not-so-happy memories that live in these walls.  But how do you let go of a place that has meant so much?  Because despite those unpleasant memories there are some amazing times, too...this is the only house that O has really known as her home, it is my first house, and I have spent years improving and making this house ours.  But as hard as it is to imagine someone else living in this house, I know that we would make the next house ours, too.

So, am I running away, or looking for a fresh start?  Does it matter?  I find myself at a crossroads...waiting for the analysis from a Realtor to help me make the decision about whether or not the time to sell is now.  Part of me wants to hear that the market isn't as bad as it seems...and part of me would be relieved to know that now just isn't the time.  Maybe not knowing what I really want means the time just isn't right, no matter what the realtor says?  Or, is it just easier to choose what is familiar?  It isn't like me to stay in one place, motionless and indecisive...and it certainly isn't like me to try to take the easy way out.  But I have been stalling on this one for an entire year already...making one excuse after another to delay putting the house up for sale.  Maybe I am just not ready?