Spoiled...

I have been thinking a lot lately about the best ways to teach O the lessons of life that I think she needs to learn... Specifically... that you can not just expect everything to be handed to you, that the things in life with the most value are those that you work hard to earn for yourself.

I started thinking about this last week...when O was pitching a fit on the way home from school because I would not take her to the store to get new crayons.  When I said "no, you have all the crayons you need at home" she immediately began to cry and was sobbing the remainder of the ride home about how she needed the "pointy ones...we don't have pointy ones at home!!!"  There were literally alligator tears sliding down her cheeks... you would think that the child never gets anything and does not have one crayon to write with.  Reality?  We have enough art supplies to start our own chain of stores...

I was reminded again about spoiling O when this last Sunday she came home from her Dad's house and she was so excited to let me know that on Tuesday he is taking her to the store after school to buy a Pillow Pet!  Great... can anyone tell me what a Pillow Pet is (I have no idea)???  Regardless, she has told several people we have run into about how excited she is because she is getting one... This included some good friends of ours that she and I were visiting.  After telling E's Mom about the new toy, O was asked "wow, what did you do to earn it?".  Huh...now there is a great question.  O was completely bewildered and had no response.  Her lack of response just proved the point to me again...she has no idea that everything you ask for does not just magically show up on command.

Yes, I want my daughter to have things that I may not have had when I grew up... we all want our kids to have more than we did, right?!  Right?!?  Should we?  I grew up in a house where you did not get a new toy unless it was your birthday or Christmas.  Those gifts were special because they only came along twice in a year... If you wanted anything else, you had to save your money...from snow-shoveling or delivering newspapers, etc. and then you could use your own money to buy something you wanted.  I never expected my parents to just get me something new because I saw it on tv or suddenly thought I needed it.

Part of the problem, I know, is that in a single-child family with two professional parents it is just easier to get more "stuff"...  And I also know that I am partially to blame here.  There have been plenty of times when I am out running errands and see something that I think might be fun for O that I just pick it up and bring it home.  I don't agonize over whether or not she should have something new... if I see something and can afford to get it, I just do.  Granted, we are typically talking about a movie or book or yes, some art project...I am not talking about major toy purchases.

I have to say, though, that I have become more and more aware and less inclined to just buy things since the divorce.  For some reason, it seems that a new toy comes back to my house almost every weekend that O is NOT with me.  The more often this has happened, the more annoyed I have gotten.  Yes, some of the reason is that I don't think we need any more things around this house, and some of it has to do with Mr. Fun being the one who provides the "stuff".  But, as O has started to take for granted that she SHOULD get things all the time...I have become more and more concerned.  What are we teaching her?

So, I am struggling... How do you effectively teach a child that they can't have everything?  How do you teach them that it is so much more satisfying to earn that something new, than to just have someone give it to you for no good reason?  What happens when one parent will give in and always buy things and one parent won't?  Will O figure out the difference between his way and my way?  Will it just turn into a situation where I say "no" and she automatically starts to go to him because he will say "yes"?

Of all the things that I worry about... the idea that my daughter will grow up to be a self-centered brat literally keeps me awake some nights.  It also frustrates me because I know that she does not have to turn out that way... I feel like I am always going to have to be the bad guy (girl) in order to prevent that, and for the most part I don't mind.  But I wonder... will that even be enough?  Can I do enough by myself to prevent it?