A number of years ago, pregnant and awaiting O's arrival, I made a big decision... Having spent months contemplating how I could best juggle motherhood and family, while still being successful at work, I determined that I needed to find a way to "make more time". Granted, that was not going to literally work, BUT...if I could put my energy into working four longer days, then I could always have a three-day weekend with my family. It was the only proposal I could come up with that made the knot in my stomach go away...
I remember feeling so apprehensive about talking to my manager about my idea... I kept thinking that asking for a schedule that would last until my daughter was in kindergarten just seemed to be asking to play "hookey" forever! I felt guilty...was it fair to the other people I worked with? I was nervous...would I be able to keep up at work? Could I really come through on my promise to make sure my schedule did not impact anyone who depended on me? So much worry...
Fortunately for me, I work for a company that can be flexible enough to accept this type of an arrangement... When O was born, I went back to work...working four 10-hour days each week, and taking Monday as my "at home" day to play with O. I was never out of reach...the crew back at the office could always reach me by cell or through email, and I would usually check in during O's nap time to make sure that all was well... It did not take long to settle into the new schedule, and my co-workers were soon conditioned to schedule meetings with me on any day but Monday.
So, here I am, almost five-years later on the eve of my first real Monday BACK to work. And I wonder... Where did the time go? What once seemed like a huge request for time has somehow officially run out... That baby girl that would surely be little forever is going to her first day of 4k tomorrow...my ticket to Mondays at home has expired. While her newest adventure starts at school, mine will just be an adjustment in schedule... So why does it seem like such a big occasion for me, too???
The whole situation has me a bit contemplative... Did I make the best use of all of those Mondays off? Did I live up to my goal of using those days to spend quality time with O? Does she know that while Mama cares about her job, she will always put her family first? I know there are some Mondays in there that could have been better spent...a few lazy ones, some TOO productive without enough fun, and some where us two girls were on each other's nerves. But, maybe those things are a part of spending quality time together, too? Family time isn't always fun and games...sometimes it is about working together, resting together, even irritating each other...because that is important to find a way to work out also.
In the final analysis...I can't go back and call a "redo" on any of those Mondays, so there is no sense in looking for those that fell short of ideal. What I know for certain is that it was the right decision to make at the time, and I am thankful for all of those days that O and I spent together. This new schedule will be another change for us, but the time has come... I think that we are both ready, although O may be more ready than I am...when told she would be at school five-days she only asked if her teachers and friends had to go, too...when I said "yes", her response was "okay". Needless to say, I am not expecting tears...well, at least not from O. And so, a new chapter starts now...
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