Some people are easier to get to know than others... it isn't necessarily about how open they are, but more about how comfortable you are with each other. There is a natural chemistry between some people that allows them to just "click" with each other...they don't have to work at being together or understanding each other, the relationship is effortless.
I've experienced effortless... in relationships with family members, close friends, and men I have loved. I had forgotten, until I was reminded today, that it does exist in all kinds of personal relationships. I've spent a good part of the last month trying to get to know someone new... Always, at the start of dating someone, I try to remind myself that it takes extra effort, that it is always awkward when you are just getting to know someone new, that you can't expect it to be easy right from the beginning... But, is that all true? Should it be effortless right from the start? Or, is that just rare and special when it happens?
Mr. Someone New and I had a conversation today about how things have been going between us... and what to do next. We have had challenges with finding time to spend together, and it has felt to me like we almost start all over each time we get together... But until he asked me today "shouldn't it be effortless"? I could not identify what seemed to be missing... He was right... it has not been effortless between us. I have been making excuses that it just comes with time and is part of getting to know someone, at the same time that he was waiting for it to be easier, too. So, you know how this story ends...
The conversation today was a good reminder for me... Maybe effortless isn't something you HAVE to immediately have in order to make a relationship work...maybe some relationships do just take more time to develop, but when you find a person that you really connect with easily and without a lot of effort...those are relationships you need to hold on to.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Big shoes to fill...
I was born two days after Father's Day in 1972... June 18, 1972 was actually the FIRST official Father's Day thanks to Richard Nixon. I was born the following Tuesday...making my dad a father for the first time. I find it very appropriate that my birthday and Father's Day sort of go hand in hand... I am a self-professed "daddy's girl", and sharing my birthday with dad's special day has always seemed fitting.
I am so very thankful for the man who is my father... Over the years I have come to appreciate my dad more and more... I worshiped him when I was just a little girl...he was a playmate and jungle gym, took me with him to spend hours in my grandfather's greenhouse, and provided our family with great summer vacations. While he and I have always been close, there were plenty of years between being a teenager and a college graduate that my dad and I had challenges seeing each others point of view...that was just a part of growing up (probably for both of us). At this stage in my life, as a parent myself, I value all of the characteristics that make him both a great father, as well as a good man, more than I ever did.
I have read research that discusses how women that do not have a strong father figure in their life have trouble being successful in romantic relationships because they are looking for a man who can also fill the role of the father that they don't have. But, I wonder... Do the women with proportionately stronger relationships with their fathers also have a more difficult time? Can any man fill the shoes of the father that is everything to his daughter?
In my own relationships, I don't think that I have ever made comparisons between my dad and the men in my life...but maybe I should have? I think it is not so much about my dad specifically as it is about his character. No man will ever replace my dad or be what he is to me... I would, however, be lucky to find a man with some of his best traits...loyalty, dependability, sense of humor, commitment to family. Perhaps the real mission should be to find someone who possesses those important traits.
I am so very thankful for the man who is my father... Over the years I have come to appreciate my dad more and more... I worshiped him when I was just a little girl...he was a playmate and jungle gym, took me with him to spend hours in my grandfather's greenhouse, and provided our family with great summer vacations. While he and I have always been close, there were plenty of years between being a teenager and a college graduate that my dad and I had challenges seeing each others point of view...that was just a part of growing up (probably for both of us). At this stage in my life, as a parent myself, I value all of the characteristics that make him both a great father, as well as a good man, more than I ever did.
I have read research that discusses how women that do not have a strong father figure in their life have trouble being successful in romantic relationships because they are looking for a man who can also fill the role of the father that they don't have. But, I wonder... Do the women with proportionately stronger relationships with their fathers also have a more difficult time? Can any man fill the shoes of the father that is everything to his daughter?
In my own relationships, I don't think that I have ever made comparisons between my dad and the men in my life...but maybe I should have? I think it is not so much about my dad specifically as it is about his character. No man will ever replace my dad or be what he is to me... I would, however, be lucky to find a man with some of his best traits...loyalty, dependability, sense of humor, commitment to family. Perhaps the real mission should be to find someone who possesses those important traits.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Too Much Information...
Recently I made an appointment to have an old tattoo reworked... To me, the getting of the tattoo was no big deal, especially since it already existed. When I was asked to go for a drink after work on the night of my appointment, I casually said I could not make it because of my tattoo appointment. I said this innocently enough, and quite honestly did not really consider that anyone would be particularly interested in the fact that I even had a tattoo. However, it apparently turned out to be a topic of conversation for the group of people that did go out that night. And another friend in that group proceeded to lecture me the next day about "sharing my personal information".
So, I am asking myself... do we share too much information? Do we know when too much is too much? In a facebook, twitter, blog age where we tend to talk about the day-to-day of our lives and "post" it for all to read, have we lost our boundaries of privacy? Are we so accustomed to knowing all about our friends, family, and even acquaintances that we have forgotten how to keep some things to ourselves? Where are the lines? What do you guard and keep as your own?
Having thought this over the last several days, I find myself regretting I was so specific about what I was up to that night. I naively believed that my one comment would not be interesting enough to fuel an entire conversation. And perhaps because I did not share any details, that just caused more speculation and discussion. While none of it is anyone's business, I made it their business when I was so clear about where I was going.
I find that I am lecturing myself about learning to keep my mouth closed...something that is not particularly easy for me to do. I am a generally open person... I do know when it is inappropriate to share most personal things, but I tend to be fairly open about a lot of general things. The lesson for me here is to try and be more thoughtful before I throw out those general things to anyone for public consumption...there tend to be consequences for sharing.
So, I am asking myself... do we share too much information? Do we know when too much is too much? In a facebook, twitter, blog age where we tend to talk about the day-to-day of our lives and "post" it for all to read, have we lost our boundaries of privacy? Are we so accustomed to knowing all about our friends, family, and even acquaintances that we have forgotten how to keep some things to ourselves? Where are the lines? What do you guard and keep as your own?
Having thought this over the last several days, I find myself regretting I was so specific about what I was up to that night. I naively believed that my one comment would not be interesting enough to fuel an entire conversation. And perhaps because I did not share any details, that just caused more speculation and discussion. While none of it is anyone's business, I made it their business when I was so clear about where I was going.
I find that I am lecturing myself about learning to keep my mouth closed...something that is not particularly easy for me to do. I am a generally open person... I do know when it is inappropriate to share most personal things, but I tend to be fairly open about a lot of general things. The lesson for me here is to try and be more thoughtful before I throw out those general things to anyone for public consumption...there tend to be consequences for sharing.
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