The "C" word...

Cancer.  Is there any other word that immediately causes a reaction for people?  Anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, sadness, loss... So many emotions caused by one small word.  Many of us may be fortunate enough to have only had it touch our lives from a distance... the story of a diagnosis that leaves us feeling sympathy for the person dealing with the disease, and at the same time some relief (perhaps a little guilt for being relieved?) that it is not our own story, or the story of someone we love. 

While for so long I seemed to be fortunate enough to have little experience with the disease, lately I am feeling like it is everywhere...almost like I am being surrounded.  This past summer we lost our Grandpa Gobel to cancer; and in the last two months, someone I love has been diagnosed and is undergoing aggressive treatment, while parents of two of my good friends have also been diagnosed.  Suddenly, what felt like a disease that other people had to deal with, is very much a part of my life, too.  And I find that my emotions on the subject veer crazily all over the place...sadness, shock, disbelief, hope.  I keep telling myself to focus on the hope and be the optimist for those fighting the disease...attitude is everything.  Some days that is harder than others...

As a person that likes to stay in control... something like cancer is completely beyond my comprehension and the cause of significant frustration and anger.  It is so hard to accept that the disease has a mind of its own and a will of its own.  How do you take that control back?  Feels like the only way to do it is to go into the fight with a positive attitude, and determination to kick cancer's butt and show it who the real boss is.  Support from those you are surrounded by is important, too.  The more positive energy you can store and build on from those who surround you will help you to keep the right focus and fight the good fight.

It is difficult, however, to just be the support... to feel the helplessness of knowing that there is only so much that you can do.  There is no way to protect the people that you love from something that is beyond our control.  I accept that as a fact, but I will not accept loss as inevitable... I will fight against that acceptance, because it is unthinkable for me.  I will be the strength of positive attitude...