Do you ever feel like you are standing on the edge of a big change? You almost can't stand to wait, while at the same time you know that you have to let it come in its own good time. In that time right before the change you are in limbo...just waiting, waiting, waiting. While most people resist change, I must admit, I happen to embrace change. There is something about the unknown and making your way into it that seems to really appeal to me. It all feels like a cleansing...a second chance (or in my case, third chance). In every mistake there is a lesson to be learned, and a new path to forge ahead that comes out of that learning.
Why do people generally resist change? After all, our lives are all about change... the changing of the seasons, our children growing and changing, our own changes as birthday after birthday come and go. Most of the time we seem to resist the passing of time...perhaps because we are just afraid that it means we have that much less time left to do all of the things we want to do. Maybe I am just the oddball because I don't dread change like most people...I don't try to pursue change, but when I know it needs to happen, there is something exciting about trying something new, and embracing whatever the future holds. My advice today... don't fight against change, sometimes that is the only way to get to your true future.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Say Your Prayers...
I recently introduced Little O to the idea of saying a prayer before she goes to bed... I grew up in a Catholic house, and although I wouldn't call us religious, there were certain traditions that we were raised on that I want to pass along...like Sunday church, saying grace before dinner, and your prayers before bed. Little O is intrigued by the whole thing... So far we have been praying together...she puts her hands together and basically repeats after me everything that I say.
One night last week we finished the prayer and she says to me "mama, let's do 'nother one pear". Encouraging her to go right ahead, her prayer went something like this... "Dear God, tank you for my monkey costume, Amen".
These are the moments that make being a Mom so great... Only a two-and-a-half-year-old can find joy in the smallest thing and then express it so well. As usual my daughter provides me with a good reminder to try and find my own joy in the little things.
One night last week we finished the prayer and she says to me "mama, let's do 'nother one pear". Encouraging her to go right ahead, her prayer went something like this... "Dear God, tank you for my monkey costume, Amen".
These are the moments that make being a Mom so great... Only a two-and-a-half-year-old can find joy in the smallest thing and then express it so well. As usual my daughter provides me with a good reminder to try and find my own joy in the little things.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Curious...
At two-and-a-half, the love of my daughter's life isn't her Daddy or Mama, or even Papa... it's Curious George... He is all things...he provides security each night as I tuck her into bed with him, he is the height of entertainment (if the sheer number of recordings on our Tivo are any indication), and he is a traveler, going all over the countryside just like he was another member of our family. Little O is even going to trick-or-treat this year as "George". She has the cutest costume to wear, complete with a banana in the pocket!
I am a big fan of George myself... He could be my biggest helper...keeps Little O occupied so I can take a shower, "helps" with meal time thanks to very fun plates, bowls, etc., lets Little O "comb" his hair after her bath so that I can get the snarles out of her hair. You get the idea...
So what is the appeal with this cute little monkey? He doesn't talk... just a lot of oooohs and aaaaahs. He does go on some great adventures, and he certainly knows how to make Little O giggle with some of his antics. He is quite appealing... he may be an old-fashioned character, but he is pretty timeless in his appeal to kids. Perhaps that is why I also have a soft spot for him... he seems like pretty wholesome entertainment among all the options out there. And, really, you have to enjoy a monkey that is so "curious" about the world around him...turning his every day into an adventure and enjoying every experience. Sounds like a good attitude for the rest of us, too, huh?!
I am a big fan of George myself... He could be my biggest helper...keeps Little O occupied so I can take a shower, "helps" with meal time thanks to very fun plates, bowls, etc., lets Little O "comb" his hair after her bath so that I can get the snarles out of her hair. You get the idea...
So what is the appeal with this cute little monkey? He doesn't talk... just a lot of oooohs and aaaaahs. He does go on some great adventures, and he certainly knows how to make Little O giggle with some of his antics. He is quite appealing... he may be an old-fashioned character, but he is pretty timeless in his appeal to kids. Perhaps that is why I also have a soft spot for him... he seems like pretty wholesome entertainment among all the options out there. And, really, you have to enjoy a monkey that is so "curious" about the world around him...turning his every day into an adventure and enjoying every experience. Sounds like a good attitude for the rest of us, too, huh?!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Appreciation?
I have been thinking a lot this week about how people show that they appreciate (or don't) each other. I saw an Oprah episode that talked a lot about how you need to demonstrate to your spouse that you appreciate them for the things they do, even the things that in theory they have to do. The message was that if you show each other that you appreciate what each does, it will keep your relationship happier. So, I got to thinking... do we show appreciation around our house?
My initial reaction to this question is simply "no, we don't"... But perhaps more important than answering the question is figuring out if lack of appreciation really is the issue. I have to say that many days I feel like the to do lists around this house are lopsided... mine loaded with chores around the house, care-taking responsibilities for Little O, and then, oh yeah, throw in a busy work schedule, too. On the other side... yard work and cooking are the primary responsibilities, with options to decide not to do either, I feel...and a much lighter load at work.
I think that what happens is that I have this belief that I pull a bigger load, and that creates resentment, which builds up into this "thing", this undercurrent of unhappiness that I feel I am also carrying around. But, let's just say that the lists didn't change, but the reaction to getting all of the work done did...with non-stop "the house looks great", "thanks for taking such good care of Little O", etc... I must say that I don't actually know how I would react to that...perhaps I am too used to the resentment to acknowledge real appreciation? Have I become too accustomed to being resentful? How do I open up to the possibility of appreciation? How do I learn to accept it graciously and take it at face value? It all makes me question whether or not I even know what I really want...
My initial reaction to this question is simply "no, we don't"... But perhaps more important than answering the question is figuring out if lack of appreciation really is the issue. I have to say that many days I feel like the to do lists around this house are lopsided... mine loaded with chores around the house, care-taking responsibilities for Little O, and then, oh yeah, throw in a busy work schedule, too. On the other side... yard work and cooking are the primary responsibilities, with options to decide not to do either, I feel...and a much lighter load at work.
I think that what happens is that I have this belief that I pull a bigger load, and that creates resentment, which builds up into this "thing", this undercurrent of unhappiness that I feel I am also carrying around. But, let's just say that the lists didn't change, but the reaction to getting all of the work done did...with non-stop "the house looks great", "thanks for taking such good care of Little O", etc... I must say that I don't actually know how I would react to that...perhaps I am too used to the resentment to acknowledge real appreciation? Have I become too accustomed to being resentful? How do I open up to the possibility of appreciation? How do I learn to accept it graciously and take it at face value? It all makes me question whether or not I even know what I really want...
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Staying Strong
How does that saying go? "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"? I have been chanting that like a mantra this last couple of weeks. It is officially that time of year...the biggest project of the year for Finance has started, with deadlines galore and more work than my team can manage to do in a typical 40-hour work week. I have been dragging home my laptop most nights and working at least a couple of hours after Little O goes to bed at 8pm...when I don't work after 8pm, I am basically falling immediately to sleep because I am beyond exhausted.
In a strange twist of irony, Little O's dad has been laid off one day per week because business is slow. Talk about two different schedules... he was off Monday, golfed all day Wednesday, and then managed to work the other three days ALL day...whew! He also managed to work out at the gym almost every day this week, go for a run every morning, and had time to wash his car, watch the Cubs, etc., etc., etc. Need I say more?
So, as I have so many times before, I am trying to keep my perspective here... The project will not go on forever (although technically it won't be complete until Thanksgiving), it isn't like it is any big surprise...we do the same thing every year, it isn't Little O's dad who ASKED to be laid off... You get the idea. So how come I feel so annoyed? I don't mind hard work, I actually like the way the days fly by. But the pressure right now feels overwhelming...I have a ton of deadlines to meet at work, I am the one who has the paycheck and needs to make sure our bills get paid even with less coming in, and I still need to do all the life maintenance things that go with a home, child and husband. Can one person really manage all of this? And why do I feel so alone...like I am the only one who is responsible for all of this? Now you know why I am chanting "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".
In a strange twist of irony, Little O's dad has been laid off one day per week because business is slow. Talk about two different schedules... he was off Monday, golfed all day Wednesday, and then managed to work the other three days ALL day...whew! He also managed to work out at the gym almost every day this week, go for a run every morning, and had time to wash his car, watch the Cubs, etc., etc., etc. Need I say more?
So, as I have so many times before, I am trying to keep my perspective here... The project will not go on forever (although technically it won't be complete until Thanksgiving), it isn't like it is any big surprise...we do the same thing every year, it isn't Little O's dad who ASKED to be laid off... You get the idea. So how come I feel so annoyed? I don't mind hard work, I actually like the way the days fly by. But the pressure right now feels overwhelming...I have a ton of deadlines to meet at work, I am the one who has the paycheck and needs to make sure our bills get paid even with less coming in, and I still need to do all the life maintenance things that go with a home, child and husband. Can one person really manage all of this? And why do I feel so alone...like I am the only one who is responsible for all of this? Now you know why I am chanting "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Good Enough...
I am the first to admit that I have a type A personality, characterized by an unhealthy perfectionist attitude. It has been a blessing and a curse to me my entire life... When I was young, it drove my parents crazy to watch me work on homework...I was known to finish a project, decide that it wasn't good enough, rip it up and then start all over. Making myself crazy and holding myself to a different standard has always been the worst part about being a perfectionist. In my academic and work life, being a perfectionist has always served me well...people know that they will always get the best from me, mostly because I won't allow anything less.
When I look at the impact my perfectionism has on my personal relationships, husband and daughter primarily, things are more complicated. I live with two people who don't ever pick up anything and who can ignore a mess forever... I try to hide my inability to live with a mess by picking things up and cleaning on the sly...when no one is looking, or everyone is asleep. The problem is that when you work full-time and have responsibilities outside work and home, there isn't enough time to keep the place clean using the secret-cleaner method. I have mentioned more than once to Little O's Dad that he makes a mess faster than I can clean it up. The bottom line is that I end up frustrated...
Frustrated is also how I feel in my marriage most of the time... I have friends who have been married for a long time, I hear stories about couples celebrating 30, 40, 50 years of marriage, and I honestly wonder how they do it. I wonder if this all comes back to my need for perfection...I thought I had actually gotten more easy-going over the last 30+ years, but maybe not? Do I expect more from people than what is realistic? Are the marriages that last a long time the result of both parties deciding that the relationship is "good enough" and then maintaining it? Why can't I seem to be one of those people that just makes peace with the way things are and then goes with the flow? How do you become one of those people? It is completely against my nature, but the reality is that the only one who is miserable is me...so my options seem to be to try and change my nature, or accept that I don't belong in a marriage and should always live on my own. But how do I make that decision? If only good enough could be good enough...
When I look at the impact my perfectionism has on my personal relationships, husband and daughter primarily, things are more complicated. I live with two people who don't ever pick up anything and who can ignore a mess forever... I try to hide my inability to live with a mess by picking things up and cleaning on the sly...when no one is looking, or everyone is asleep. The problem is that when you work full-time and have responsibilities outside work and home, there isn't enough time to keep the place clean using the secret-cleaner method. I have mentioned more than once to Little O's Dad that he makes a mess faster than I can clean it up. The bottom line is that I end up frustrated...
Frustrated is also how I feel in my marriage most of the time... I have friends who have been married for a long time, I hear stories about couples celebrating 30, 40, 50 years of marriage, and I honestly wonder how they do it. I wonder if this all comes back to my need for perfection...I thought I had actually gotten more easy-going over the last 30+ years, but maybe not? Do I expect more from people than what is realistic? Are the marriages that last a long time the result of both parties deciding that the relationship is "good enough" and then maintaining it? Why can't I seem to be one of those people that just makes peace with the way things are and then goes with the flow? How do you become one of those people? It is completely against my nature, but the reality is that the only one who is miserable is me...so my options seem to be to try and change my nature, or accept that I don't belong in a marriage and should always live on my own. But how do I make that decision? If only good enough could be good enough...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Food Fights
Little O has entered a new phase...actually, not so new, it has been going on for a couple of months now. The baby that was once the "best eater" has become an impossible toddler to feed. Dinner time is the official battle field where she and I argue back and forth...whatever she is given to eat, she pushes the plate away with a "no tanks".
What follows depends on my patience...sometimes trying to talk her into eating, sometimes giving her the "eat two bites" option as if she controls her own fate, sometimes using bribery (ice cream bar for dessert), and sometimes I just get mad and basically tell her that if she doesn't eat what she has been given she isn't getting anything else. Nothing seems to work.
The other frustrating component here (that you may have noticed) is the lack of involvement exhibited by Little O's Dad...he chooses to ignore the whole battle most of the time, making his own dinner, eating and hanging out in front of the tv while I fight it out in the dining room. Over the weekend I finally confronted him on the situation and was later lectured on how the problem is that I don't just ask her what she wants and then let her eat her choice as often as she would like to. The lecture on how he knows better and why is only making me more irritated with the entire situation. Are we running a restaurant? She gets to order her dinner now??? I was also told I am way too hard on her and that she will learn to eat what is put in front of her "when she is a little older". When do you suppose that might be? Like we get to just change the rules a few years from now after she has gotten used to having her way all the time...yeah, right.
So...now what? Once again we disagree on how to handle the situation and I am not sure what to do next. I don't want her to develop bad habits or learn that she can get her way if she just whines and goes to her Dad to "order" her dinner. I am at a total loss on how to maintain any control over the situation. Everyone tells me toddlers are difficult to feed, that it is feast or famine, and that you just have to let them eat when they want to. So, am I just over thinking this whole thing? Should I be letting her get her way for now, assuming it is all just a stage that will pass? Is Little O's Dad right? Am I just expecting too much? I have no idea, but I have a feeling that we might be eating a lot of Cheerios around here for a while...
What follows depends on my patience...sometimes trying to talk her into eating, sometimes giving her the "eat two bites" option as if she controls her own fate, sometimes using bribery (ice cream bar for dessert), and sometimes I just get mad and basically tell her that if she doesn't eat what she has been given she isn't getting anything else. Nothing seems to work.
The other frustrating component here (that you may have noticed) is the lack of involvement exhibited by Little O's Dad...he chooses to ignore the whole battle most of the time, making his own dinner, eating and hanging out in front of the tv while I fight it out in the dining room. Over the weekend I finally confronted him on the situation and was later lectured on how the problem is that I don't just ask her what she wants and then let her eat her choice as often as she would like to. The lecture on how he knows better and why is only making me more irritated with the entire situation. Are we running a restaurant? She gets to order her dinner now??? I was also told I am way too hard on her and that she will learn to eat what is put in front of her "when she is a little older". When do you suppose that might be? Like we get to just change the rules a few years from now after she has gotten used to having her way all the time...yeah, right.
So...now what? Once again we disagree on how to handle the situation and I am not sure what to do next. I don't want her to develop bad habits or learn that she can get her way if she just whines and goes to her Dad to "order" her dinner. I am at a total loss on how to maintain any control over the situation. Everyone tells me toddlers are difficult to feed, that it is feast or famine, and that you just have to let them eat when they want to. So, am I just over thinking this whole thing? Should I be letting her get her way for now, assuming it is all just a stage that will pass? Is Little O's Dad right? Am I just expecting too much? I have no idea, but I have a feeling that we might be eating a lot of Cheerios around here for a while...
Friday, July 25, 2008
The Last Lecture...
Today I heard the news that Randy Pausch had passed away... For those of you who don't know who he is...I became familiar with him when he appeared on Oprah and gave his speech "The Last Lecture"... He had given this speech at Carnegie Mellon University...essentially sharing his diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer and focusing on "achieving your childhood dreams". This was a man with an amazing attitude, who understood that he only had a very short window in which to live, but he chose to make the most of his life during this period rather than just giving in to his fate. How do you find the strength to have an attitude like this, when you know that so much is out of your control, and that you are being dealt the most impossible hand by fate? He even said "we cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." What an amazing man...
So many days, I wish I could change my own attitude and approach life like Randy did... So many times it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and yet, compared to so many others, my burdens are few. I want to be so thankful for all of the blessings in my life...a perfect healthy daughter, my own health, a good job, a wonderful supportive network of family and friends...what more can a person ask for? Why is it so hard to put my own struggles into perspective, realizing that they are so small in comparison to the trials that others go through?
My advice today...be thankful for all of the wonderful things in your life. Yes, we all have troubles to deal with, but at least we have the opportunity to deal with them... Rest in peace, Randy...you will be missed by millions who have learned a valuable lesson from you.
So many days, I wish I could change my own attitude and approach life like Randy did... So many times it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and yet, compared to so many others, my burdens are few. I want to be so thankful for all of the blessings in my life...a perfect healthy daughter, my own health, a good job, a wonderful supportive network of family and friends...what more can a person ask for? Why is it so hard to put my own struggles into perspective, realizing that they are so small in comparison to the trials that others go through?
My advice today...be thankful for all of the wonderful things in your life. Yes, we all have troubles to deal with, but at least we have the opportunity to deal with them... Rest in peace, Randy...you will be missed by millions who have learned a valuable lesson from you.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Making a Statement
Little O's newest favorite things are her green, rubber, frog rain boots...this could be the best $10 bucks I've ever spent. All she wants to wear are these boots...doesn't matter if it is raining or sunny, cool or hotter than blazes. It's all about the boots. It has gotten to the point that when she insists that she HAS to wear them to school (despite the fact there is no rain in the forecast), I let her. The temper tantrums that ensue if I don't let her have her way on this one are just not worth it...especially at 6:15am when I need to be at work by 7am.
She proudly waltzes into school showing anyone who walks by her boots. I think the reason I love this whole production (well, besides the fact that she looks so stinkin' cute) is that I long for the days when I didn't care at all how I looked or what anyone else would think about how I looked. While I feel pretty confident in my style these days and I have always loved fashion...I don't exactly push the envelope when it comes to my clothing choices. So, I fully support Little O making her own fashion statement. The beauty of being two-years old is that you love what you love, and you don't care how you look...how much fun is that?!
She proudly waltzes into school showing anyone who walks by her boots. I think the reason I love this whole production (well, besides the fact that she looks so stinkin' cute) is that I long for the days when I didn't care at all how I looked or what anyone else would think about how I looked. While I feel pretty confident in my style these days and I have always loved fashion...I don't exactly push the envelope when it comes to my clothing choices. So, I fully support Little O making her own fashion statement. The beauty of being two-years old is that you love what you love, and you don't care how you look...how much fun is that?!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Summer Camp...
I never really went to Summer Camp as a kid... I always imagined it would be really exciting to be away from home, on your own, with all kinds of friends to hang out with and activities going on...and that the overnights would be all about telling stories under the covers by the light of the flashlight. I once went to a Girl Scouts day-camp for a week, but all I remember from that are some craft projects and that we made homemade ice cream one day.
Our family spent the past weekend at a family reunion...it was a three+ hour road trip to a farm in the middle of nowhere that was converted to a conference center. This could possibly be my first Summer Camp-like experience... My brother's family and mine shared a room in the basement with four long, dorm-style beds. The adults took the four beds and the kids were relegated to cots on the floor. It all seemed kind of fun until Little O decided she needed to be in my bed rather than on the floor...that decision she made about 3am Friday night. Needless to say, she was in the pack-n-play night 2.
True to form, the most senior adults in attendance were all in arguments over one thing or another...and most of the weekend you could probably cut the tension with a knife. Thankfully, the non-Summer Camp part of this weekend was my generation's ability to kick back with a glass (bottle) of wine and ignore their parents. It does in fact seem like trying to recreate the feeling of Summer Camp isn't so easy when you are an adult and trying to "manage" everyone/everything. Perhaps that is why Summer Camp is for kids...I know the littlest kids at the reunion certainly were the ones who had the most fun!
Our family spent the past weekend at a family reunion...it was a three+ hour road trip to a farm in the middle of nowhere that was converted to a conference center. This could possibly be my first Summer Camp-like experience... My brother's family and mine shared a room in the basement with four long, dorm-style beds. The adults took the four beds and the kids were relegated to cots on the floor. It all seemed kind of fun until Little O decided she needed to be in my bed rather than on the floor...that decision she made about 3am Friday night. Needless to say, she was in the pack-n-play night 2.
True to form, the most senior adults in attendance were all in arguments over one thing or another...and most of the weekend you could probably cut the tension with a knife. Thankfully, the non-Summer Camp part of this weekend was my generation's ability to kick back with a glass (bottle) of wine and ignore their parents. It does in fact seem like trying to recreate the feeling of Summer Camp isn't so easy when you are an adult and trying to "manage" everyone/everything. Perhaps that is why Summer Camp is for kids...I know the littlest kids at the reunion certainly were the ones who had the most fun!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Vacation?
When I was a little girl I couldn't wait until it was summer...a break from school, my birthday coming up in June, and always there was a family vacation to look forward to. Now that I am all grown up, I find that thinking about vacation is almost as stressful as just not having one at all!
I am officially one week from taking some time off work...ten full days without any financial statements, meetings, projects, etc. I should be excited, right?! Instead I am feeling anxious...I have to literally pack most of the house and shove it into the trunk of our car for our family reunion weekend trip. Then just three days after getting home from the reunion, I have to re-pack myself up and fly to Boston to visit my sister and the newest addition to our family, Little A. These are all events that I thought I was looking forward to...I just forgot about the part where I have to single-handedly get all of us where we need to be, on time, with all of the things we need. By the time I do this twice in one week, I am betting that work will look like the vacation.
So, how does a busy, working mom, who really does need a vacation, get a break? My one consolation is that I am going to Boston completely on my own...while it will be hard for me to not have Little O as my companion, I know that it will give me a chance to catch up with my sister, have the new baby to myself, and who knows...maybe even have a little down time for me?! If nothing else, I can spend the plane ride to Boston listening to my ipod, reading a book, or catching up on some much needed sleep...
I am officially one week from taking some time off work...ten full days without any financial statements, meetings, projects, etc. I should be excited, right?! Instead I am feeling anxious...I have to literally pack most of the house and shove it into the trunk of our car for our family reunion weekend trip. Then just three days after getting home from the reunion, I have to re-pack myself up and fly to Boston to visit my sister and the newest addition to our family, Little A. These are all events that I thought I was looking forward to...I just forgot about the part where I have to single-handedly get all of us where we need to be, on time, with all of the things we need. By the time I do this twice in one week, I am betting that work will look like the vacation.
So, how does a busy, working mom, who really does need a vacation, get a break? My one consolation is that I am going to Boston completely on my own...while it will be hard for me to not have Little O as my companion, I know that it will give me a chance to catch up with my sister, have the new baby to myself, and who knows...maybe even have a little down time for me?! If nothing else, I can spend the plane ride to Boston listening to my ipod, reading a book, or catching up on some much needed sleep...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Potty Training (and Other Bathroom Fun)...
Little O is officially obsessed...she loves the bathroom more than any other room in the house. She could spend all day there...brushing her teeth, washing her hands, playing in the bathtub, and of course sitting on her new potty chair.
The potty chair has been a big hit..."mama, do potties?" I hear every single time she needs her diaper changed. This is good, right?! Clearly, she is ready to begin the potty training phase of being a toddler... So, why am I so resistant? It just seems like there is too much going on right now to start this...a family reunion is looming, then a long weekend where I am out of town, and the weather is so cold that my whole plan to dress her all summer in sun dresses to make the process easier can't take effect yet. Yes, I have a lot of excuses...
Why is Little O so into the idea? Could it be the kids in her class who are trained? Is it just the novelty of having the potty chair? I have to say, she is so funny about it sometimes... earlier this week she was sitting on the potty in nothing but her rain boots (green rubber frog boots), reading "Golf Digest" and repeating "Tider Woos, Mama" over and over...it was pretty funny.
Perhaps it is time to stop making excuses and start the training...she seems to be ready to be a big girl, even if I'm not ready for her to be one. But maybe we could wait until after this family reunion business???
The potty chair has been a big hit..."mama, do potties?" I hear every single time she needs her diaper changed. This is good, right?! Clearly, she is ready to begin the potty training phase of being a toddler... So, why am I so resistant? It just seems like there is too much going on right now to start this...a family reunion is looming, then a long weekend where I am out of town, and the weather is so cold that my whole plan to dress her all summer in sun dresses to make the process easier can't take effect yet. Yes, I have a lot of excuses...
Why is Little O so into the idea? Could it be the kids in her class who are trained? Is it just the novelty of having the potty chair? I have to say, she is so funny about it sometimes... earlier this week she was sitting on the potty in nothing but her rain boots (green rubber frog boots), reading "Golf Digest" and repeating "Tider Woos, Mama" over and over...it was pretty funny.
Perhaps it is time to stop making excuses and start the training...she seems to be ready to be a big girl, even if I'm not ready for her to be one. But maybe we could wait until after this family reunion business???
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Farewell to Grey's (Just for the Summer)
If you are a Grey's Anatomy fan like I am, you are probably just as distressed as I to find that after just a few episodes (thanks to the writer's strike), the finale was this past Thursday. I guess my fantasy was that after a delayed start to the season, we could look forward to Grey Thursdays all Summer. So much for that...
So the real question is this...why am I so disappointed that the show is over for the season? What is it that sucks us all in and keeps us watching? Is it the sex? The drama? Personally, I think the writing is the best on tv...I look forward to the dialogue every week. They just have some of the BEST lines... And of course, for me (and you, too, just admit it), the boys are not too tough to look at either...I suspect this is part of why we all watch. McDreamy, McSteamy (personally, I like the bad boy best), sweet George, even Alex the not so jerky jerk. So, maybe it is the sex? Or just the idea that you can have career success and still have so much struggle to find the right relationship (just like all the rest of us)? We don't watch to learn about cutting edge medical technology...I mean, I don't think this is the hospital you want to end up in, do you?! Unless of course, you want to be in a closet kissing McSteamy...
Well, to all you fellow Grey's fans...hope you enjoyed the finale. I certainly did and I'm looking forward to the fall and finding out what will happen next. In the meantime, you'll have to get your sex by going to see the Sex and the City movie this summer...enjoy!
So the real question is this...why am I so disappointed that the show is over for the season? What is it that sucks us all in and keeps us watching? Is it the sex? The drama? Personally, I think the writing is the best on tv...I look forward to the dialogue every week. They just have some of the BEST lines... And of course, for me (and you, too, just admit it), the boys are not too tough to look at either...I suspect this is part of why we all watch. McDreamy, McSteamy (personally, I like the bad boy best), sweet George, even Alex the not so jerky jerk. So, maybe it is the sex? Or just the idea that you can have career success and still have so much struggle to find the right relationship (just like all the rest of us)? We don't watch to learn about cutting edge medical technology...I mean, I don't think this is the hospital you want to end up in, do you?! Unless of course, you want to be in a closet kissing McSteamy...
Well, to all you fellow Grey's fans...hope you enjoyed the finale. I certainly did and I'm looking forward to the fall and finding out what will happen next. In the meantime, you'll have to get your sex by going to see the Sex and the City movie this summer...enjoy!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Mother of the Year
So, I know, we all have those moments as moms that we feel inadequate and like we haven't done the best we could, right?! This week, in an effort to be a good, caring, set a good example mom, I volunteered to watch the kids in Little O's class while the teachers went out to lunch. This is an annual event and I wanted to show my support for the teachers...so, myself and three other moms signed ourselves up.
Little did I know (but, yes, should have guessed) that this would be a disaster for Little O in terms of her daily schedule. Suddenly Mom shows up in the middle of the day... To make matters worse, it was nap time...of course my daughter had no interest in nap time once I showed up. Her primary interest was being disruptive and naughty while the other kids were trying to sleep. To top things off, the Director of the school had stopped in to help and was busy giving me the "can't you control your own kid" look...
Needless to say I was feeling very judged... What had happened to the sweet natured little girl I knew? Why did she have to pick now to act two? If I chalk this one up to being too excited that Mom showed up in the middle of the day to visit...am I making excuses? She really IS a pretty easy-going girl most of the time. Am I rationalizing too much??? Well, needless to say, I am letting the "other" mothers volunteer next time...
Little did I know (but, yes, should have guessed) that this would be a disaster for Little O in terms of her daily schedule. Suddenly Mom shows up in the middle of the day... To make matters worse, it was nap time...of course my daughter had no interest in nap time once I showed up. Her primary interest was being disruptive and naughty while the other kids were trying to sleep. To top things off, the Director of the school had stopped in to help and was busy giving me the "can't you control your own kid" look...
Needless to say I was feeling very judged... What had happened to the sweet natured little girl I knew? Why did she have to pick now to act two? If I chalk this one up to being too excited that Mom showed up in the middle of the day to visit...am I making excuses? She really IS a pretty easy-going girl most of the time. Am I rationalizing too much??? Well, needless to say, I am letting the "other" mothers volunteer next time...
Friday, May 2, 2008
The Skinny
So lately I find that almost everyone is asking me about my weight... Now, they aren't asking me in an unkind, oh, my god, look how skinny you are way (or are they?), but it keeps coming up. So, the reality is that in times of stress, I just get skinnier... I know, gee, what a problem to have. But, the truth is that I don't set out to make that happen, and I am truly not that excited about having my pants falling down all of the time.
A good friend of mine once said that "it's better to be fat and happy, than skinny and sad". She said that to me at a time when she was separated from her husband and I was going through my divorce. And she is so right... The fact is that when I am stressed out and so full of anxiety, it doesn't matter what I eat, I just burn it all off through sheer mental agony.
I did spend time with my doctor to make sure this was a stress "thing" and not something else... She told me that I was perfectly healthy, but that I had "too many things on my plate" and I needed to get some help and make some changes. Basically, she told me I have too much stress... Hey, thanks for the news bulletin.
So the bottom line is that I KNOW I have too much stress and I KNOW that somehow I need to manage it all better...but how? I don't really know that I can take things off my plate or make any radical changes in my life...even if I need to. Until I figure that out...yes, I am skinny and I plan to strut around in my smallest pants and enjoy it while it lasts.
A good friend of mine once said that "it's better to be fat and happy, than skinny and sad". She said that to me at a time when she was separated from her husband and I was going through my divorce. And she is so right... The fact is that when I am stressed out and so full of anxiety, it doesn't matter what I eat, I just burn it all off through sheer mental agony.
I did spend time with my doctor to make sure this was a stress "thing" and not something else... She told me that I was perfectly healthy, but that I had "too many things on my plate" and I needed to get some help and make some changes. Basically, she told me I have too much stress... Hey, thanks for the news bulletin.
So the bottom line is that I KNOW I have too much stress and I KNOW that somehow I need to manage it all better...but how? I don't really know that I can take things off my plate or make any radical changes in my life...even if I need to. Until I figure that out...yes, I am skinny and I plan to strut around in my smallest pants and enjoy it while it lasts.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Wasting Away...
Maybe it is the way that I grew up, but wasting things annoys me... and it isn't just about wasting really important things (like money), but it also bugs me when things like paper towels, or the last bite of a hamburger go to waste. I have been thinking about this one lately because I keep seeing waste and it irritates me. Little O's Dad could possibly be the King of waste...buys produce that I am throwing out two weeks later, seems to use half the roll of tp at each sitting, etc. I try to keep some perspective and let the little things go, but lately it has been hard.
I think it is on my mind more lately partially because I have also been thinking about time being wasted... How much time do I waste on things that aren't important? Do I watch too much tv? Am I so lost in every day activities when I am home that I am losing time that I should be spending with Little O? And what about the future? Little O's Dad and I have been going through a rough spell for quite some time and sometimes I fear that I will wake up years from now and wonder why I wasted so many years in a bad situation. As I've said before, time is just one of those things that slips away...I don't want to waste the time that I have.
Maybe it isn't just about wasting time... Maybe it is also about wasting energy on all the wrong things. I keep coaching myself lately that I need to keep my focus on Little O and doing the things that are best for her. I put so much energy into thinking about what is right or best, but AM I focused on what is right for her, or is it about what I want and need? Is it wrong to spend time thinking about myself? Do I need to make myself happy first? If I am happy does that mean I will be a better mom and able to focus more on her? None of the answers are easy or obvious, so I guess I'll just keep asking the questions.
I think it is on my mind more lately partially because I have also been thinking about time being wasted... How much time do I waste on things that aren't important? Do I watch too much tv? Am I so lost in every day activities when I am home that I am losing time that I should be spending with Little O? And what about the future? Little O's Dad and I have been going through a rough spell for quite some time and sometimes I fear that I will wake up years from now and wonder why I wasted so many years in a bad situation. As I've said before, time is just one of those things that slips away...I don't want to waste the time that I have.
Maybe it isn't just about wasting time... Maybe it is also about wasting energy on all the wrong things. I keep coaching myself lately that I need to keep my focus on Little O and doing the things that are best for her. I put so much energy into thinking about what is right or best, but AM I focused on what is right for her, or is it about what I want and need? Is it wrong to spend time thinking about myself? Do I need to make myself happy first? If I am happy does that mean I will be a better mom and able to focus more on her? None of the answers are easy or obvious, so I guess I'll just keep asking the questions.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Birthday Blues
What is it about Birthdays? You either love them or hate them...there doesn't seem to be an in-between. I've been thinking a lot about birthdays lately...mostly because Little O will be turning two this Sunday. How did she get to be two already? I don't know where that time went...I remember thinking I would never sleep again like a normal person and then suddenly, she's two?! I will admit that the thought of her turning two actually chokes me up...and I will also admit that I cryed last year when she turned one (so why break tradition?!?). Time is one of those things that just slips through your fingers and is gone...and you just can't get it back. Truly I have mixed feelings about her birthday...excitement for her and all of the new things that growing up holds, as well as the sadness for me as I watch her reach milestones and move past them. I can't keep her at this age, as much as I want to sometimes.
I've also been thinking a lot about my own birthday...soon (sooner than I care to even realize) I'll have another birthday of my own. I can't even tell you the last time I had a birthday that was special...seems like my birthdays the last several years have just happened, without any real noteworthy memory to associate with them. I have a friend who makes a huge deal about birthdays and part of me is always envious, wishing that I was on the receiving end of that special birthday treatment.
Maybe birthdays are meant for kids... I've tried to remember my favorite birthday and I honestly only remember one.... the year that I turned thirteen and my mom and dad let me have a slumber party in the camper in our driveway. I still have the pictures to remind me of that day... Is it sad that I haven't had a memorable birthday since then? I'm sure the next one will pass by much the same... Maybe it is up to ME to make the day special?
I've also been thinking a lot about my own birthday...soon (sooner than I care to even realize) I'll have another birthday of my own. I can't even tell you the last time I had a birthday that was special...seems like my birthdays the last several years have just happened, without any real noteworthy memory to associate with them. I have a friend who makes a huge deal about birthdays and part of me is always envious, wishing that I was on the receiving end of that special birthday treatment.
Maybe birthdays are meant for kids... I've tried to remember my favorite birthday and I honestly only remember one.... the year that I turned thirteen and my mom and dad let me have a slumber party in the camper in our driveway. I still have the pictures to remind me of that day... Is it sad that I haven't had a memorable birthday since then? I'm sure the next one will pass by much the same... Maybe it is up to ME to make the day special?
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Fake Sleeping
The term "fake sleeping" has become synonomous with weekends around our house. It actually started when little O was just an infant... I quickly figured out that Little O's Dad was pretending to sleep any time she would cry, and that he would continue to pretend he was sleeping right up until I would get out of bed, change her diaper, feed her and then get her back to sleep. Not much has changed since then... she still tends to be our alarm clock on weekends. As long as Little O is sleeping, we all sleep. But when she decides it is time to get up, I seem to be the only one with "magic" ears that can hear that she is awake.
A typical weekend at our house starts when Little O wakes up...I get her up and the two of us usually spend some time in the living room...pj's on, tv tuned to something child friendly, while the coffee perks. The funny thing is that the weekday is not all that much different... the only difference is that I get up first (yeah, at 5am) and there is no coffee until I get to work.
This last week, Little O decided to try out the "fake sleeping" for herself... When I arrived in her room at 6am to get her up and moving, she proceeded to squint at me, and pretend snore... this is after she had already said "hi" to me as I entered her room. Pretty ingenious...she seemed to think she could get out of getting up if she just pretended she wasn't awake. Did she learn this one from Little O's Dad? Or is this just one of those genetic things?
The real question is this... If I pretend to sleep, will someone else get up and get the day started? How do I out "fake sleep" Little O's Dad? Any ideas?
A typical weekend at our house starts when Little O wakes up...I get her up and the two of us usually spend some time in the living room...pj's on, tv tuned to something child friendly, while the coffee perks. The funny thing is that the weekday is not all that much different... the only difference is that I get up first (yeah, at 5am) and there is no coffee until I get to work.
This last week, Little O decided to try out the "fake sleeping" for herself... When I arrived in her room at 6am to get her up and moving, she proceeded to squint at me, and pretend snore... this is after she had already said "hi" to me as I entered her room. Pretty ingenious...she seemed to think she could get out of getting up if she just pretended she wasn't awake. Did she learn this one from Little O's Dad? Or is this just one of those genetic things?
The real question is this... If I pretend to sleep, will someone else get up and get the day started? How do I out "fake sleep" Little O's Dad? Any ideas?
Monday, March 10, 2008
The Dirty Dancing Ideal...
The movie Dirty Dancing came out the summer I was fifteen...and I think it may have changed me forever. I think I fell in love with Johnny Castle that summer...he was the perfect ideal for me. Here was a guy who was handsome, talented, could have his pick of almost any girl, and the girl he chose was just this awkward, smart, idealistic young woman with no real-world experience. But he didn't just choose her over all the other (prettier) choices, in the end he came to her rescue and stood up for her, proclaimed her to have taught him how to be a better man...
Baby is the girl that (I like to think) I once was...the best man in her life is her Dad; she's always the smart one and never the prettiest; she thinks she can change the world, fix anything; she believes she will be something special one day and that things will always work out for her. Her summer at Kellerman's taught her some hard lessons about life, but they also reconfirmed her belief that things happen the way they are suppose to and that the people you love always come through for you in the end.
I happened by chance to flip to a channel playing Dirty Dancing over the weekend...and I find that after all these years, I am still in love with Johnny Castle. I might actually love him even more now that I see him through the eyes of a grown woman versus those of a teenager. The reality is that all of us who felt awkward growing up (and/or still do), wish for a "Johnny Castle" to choose us over anyone else, sweep us off our feet, love us for just the person that we are, and fight for us despite all odds. Now I get it that real-life is not quite this simple, nor does love seem to happen this way very often when we all come to it with the baggage of our past. But it sure is a nice idea...
Maybe Johnny Castle is the reason for such a high divorce rate in this country?! Not too many men can live up to his ideal... And how many women like me grew up with that ideal shaping their idea of what love could be? So it may be unrealistic, but it sure is fun to spend a couple hours on the couch in that reality and imagine that it could be.
Baby is the girl that (I like to think) I once was...the best man in her life is her Dad; she's always the smart one and never the prettiest; she thinks she can change the world, fix anything; she believes she will be something special one day and that things will always work out for her. Her summer at Kellerman's taught her some hard lessons about life, but they also reconfirmed her belief that things happen the way they are suppose to and that the people you love always come through for you in the end.
I happened by chance to flip to a channel playing Dirty Dancing over the weekend...and I find that after all these years, I am still in love with Johnny Castle. I might actually love him even more now that I see him through the eyes of a grown woman versus those of a teenager. The reality is that all of us who felt awkward growing up (and/or still do), wish for a "Johnny Castle" to choose us over anyone else, sweep us off our feet, love us for just the person that we are, and fight for us despite all odds. Now I get it that real-life is not quite this simple, nor does love seem to happen this way very often when we all come to it with the baggage of our past. But it sure is a nice idea...
Maybe Johnny Castle is the reason for such a high divorce rate in this country?! Not too many men can live up to his ideal... And how many women like me grew up with that ideal shaping their idea of what love could be? So it may be unrealistic, but it sure is fun to spend a couple hours on the couch in that reality and imagine that it could be.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Spring Fever
I will admit that I am one of those Wisconsin girls that always sticks up for the change of seasons and insists that despite the long winter, this is the place to live. However, it never fails to come into question at this time of the year... Thankfully we have survived February...the month I believe is the toughest of the year to get through. It is now March, finally...however, the weatherman doesn't seem to understand what that means...he is indicating that we are under (yet another) winter weather advisory. Will Spring ever come?
This is not my first rambling tirade about Winter...actually I am getting just as sick of talking about it as you are reading it! Spring fever...I have it bad. I find myself dreaming of all sorts of exotic, warm places. I think it should be mandatory that all people who live in cold places get to take a vacation to somewhere warm every February or March.
It isn't just me that is sick of Winter... Little O is apparently sick of it, too. We have officially run out of fun "inside" things to do. We have colored, watched Curious George until I can't take it any more, had picnics on the living room floor, and gone for "rides" to the grocery store (when it isn't 40 degress below 0). While all of this initially seemed to be fun (December, January), it has now become boring. I swear on Monday's when we are home for the day she is dying to say "mom, will you PLEASE take me to school". I am running out of creative ways to stay home and entertain my almost two-year old daughter. Any help here? If not, I guess we'll pop "George" into the DVD player (again)...
This is not my first rambling tirade about Winter...actually I am getting just as sick of talking about it as you are reading it! Spring fever...I have it bad. I find myself dreaming of all sorts of exotic, warm places. I think it should be mandatory that all people who live in cold places get to take a vacation to somewhere warm every February or March.
It isn't just me that is sick of Winter... Little O is apparently sick of it, too. We have officially run out of fun "inside" things to do. We have colored, watched Curious George until I can't take it any more, had picnics on the living room floor, and gone for "rides" to the grocery store (when it isn't 40 degress below 0). While all of this initially seemed to be fun (December, January), it has now become boring. I swear on Monday's when we are home for the day she is dying to say "mom, will you PLEASE take me to school". I am running out of creative ways to stay home and entertain my almost two-year old daughter. Any help here? If not, I guess we'll pop "George" into the DVD player (again)...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Sexy Moms
Sexy...just having the word go through my thoughts makes me cringe. Something about becoming a mom seems to throw sexy right out of the dictionary of acceptable phrases to describe a woman. I can't honestly say the last time I actually FELT sexy. Somewhere between the nursing, spit-up, poopy diapers, long nights without sleep, and all of the maintenance that goes with a home, husband and job, I seem to have lost sexy. The fact that "dressing up" and wearing lipstick have also gone out the window, could be contributing factors, but I think there is more to it than just those things.
Where did sexy go? How do you get it back (at least once in a while)? Realistically, at this point, it would probably take me a good six months to get ready to feel sexy...requiring some working out at the gym, tanning, waxing, tweezing, pedicure...need I go on? Then, I MIGHT be ready for sexy.
So what is that elusive thing? As someone reminded me recently, I think it really comes down to confidence and being secure in your own skin. Feeling that power you hold to attract someone of the opposite sex (hopefully you are married to him). You have to believe it to be it. So moms, I hope you find those small ways to feel like that 25-year old sexy woman you once were...I'm still working on it, but I hope to get there (even if it only lasts a couple of hours).
Where did sexy go? How do you get it back (at least once in a while)? Realistically, at this point, it would probably take me a good six months to get ready to feel sexy...requiring some working out at the gym, tanning, waxing, tweezing, pedicure...need I go on? Then, I MIGHT be ready for sexy.
So what is that elusive thing? As someone reminded me recently, I think it really comes down to confidence and being secure in your own skin. Feeling that power you hold to attract someone of the opposite sex (hopefully you are married to him). You have to believe it to be it. So moms, I hope you find those small ways to feel like that 25-year old sexy woman you once were...I'm still working on it, but I hope to get there (even if it only lasts a couple of hours).
Monday, February 18, 2008
Hope Floats
Okay, totally a "chick" flick, I know...but there is something about the movie Hope Floats that is so appealling to me. Maybe it is the way Birdie finds a way to get through tough times and come out stronger, maybe it is the way it explores relationships between Mothers and their Daughters at several stages, or maybe it is just the feeling that comes through that the next day might be better than the one before.
There are some great lines in this movie... The one I will leave you with today is this... "beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is the middle part that counts". So when those tough days come along, and you know that they will, try and remember this. Maybe it will help you get through to the next day.
There are some great lines in this movie... The one I will leave you with today is this... "beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it is the middle part that counts". So when those tough days come along, and you know that they will, try and remember this. Maybe it will help you get through to the next day.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Basement Treasures
Two Mondays ago, while I was home for the day with Little O, we had the oddest experience... A tornado, yes, a tornado...in January! It was so odd...I was just finishing some house cleaning and could hear Little O rustling around in her crib waking up from her nap. Suddenly I heard the tornado siren going off...tornado? I ran upstairs trying to seem calm and not rushed...got little O out of her crib, changed her pants, and then dragged she, Elmo, Curious George, her blankie, and the dog to the basement. What a production...it took so long to get all the "necessary" things we needed that I was sure the house would be blown away before we ever got to the basement!
Fortunately for us, the tornado did not come near our home. We were safely tucked into our 100-year old basement for a good hour. Little O was in heaven...she had never been to the basement and thought it was the best treat ever to get to explore down there. I was not as excited...after folding the load of towels in the dryer, there was not a whole lot to keep me occupied. However, little O's antics did keep things interesting...she discovered the mop and proceeded to "hep mama" by mopping the basement (concrete) floor; she found her baby toys and rediscovered those; decided to try out her baby bath tub by climbing in with Elmo.
All in all it was a nice distraction, if not a little odd. It always helps to see things through the eyes of a two-year old. I won't hang out in our old basement anytime soon, but I do appreciate the opportunity to just hang out for an hour and do nothing!
Fortunately for us, the tornado did not come near our home. We were safely tucked into our 100-year old basement for a good hour. Little O was in heaven...she had never been to the basement and thought it was the best treat ever to get to explore down there. I was not as excited...after folding the load of towels in the dryer, there was not a whole lot to keep me occupied. However, little O's antics did keep things interesting...she discovered the mop and proceeded to "hep mama" by mopping the basement (concrete) floor; she found her baby toys and rediscovered those; decided to try out her baby bath tub by climbing in with Elmo.
All in all it was a nice distraction, if not a little odd. It always helps to see things through the eyes of a two-year old. I won't hang out in our old basement anytime soon, but I do appreciate the opportunity to just hang out for an hour and do nothing!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
A Death in the Family & Other Holiday Happenings
Have you noticed that there always seems to be a death right around the holidays? It seems to be inescapable. Not to make light of this, but we experienced one of our own this year...our 15-year old Jack Russell Terrier, Buddy, passed away the Saturday before Christmas. It was quite peaceful actually, little O's Dad was out shopping (of course) and little O was watching her favorite channel, while Buddy and I shared a moment just the two of us...me patting him gently as he crossed over into the next doggy life. This was a very big trauma for little O's dad...he brought Buddy into his life at puppyhood and Buddy was truly his first real baby.
For me, this was less dramatic, I admit. Buddy had been having some "issues" (mostly involving dog pee) for several months... My issue on the Saturday before Christmas was, what do I do with a dead dog on the Saturday before a holiday? I couldn't very well leave him in a cooler on my front porch until the thaw in Spring. So...I started calling around and found that we could have our Buddy cremated. They indicated we could bring him in whenever we were ready...which was music to my ears since we were leaving the next morning to spend the holiday with family four-hours away. Of course this did not come without a hefty price tag...depending on size, there was a range of prices. Fortunately Buddy was small...only weighing about 12 pounds. I now have a lovely wood box, complete with lock and key and a tag with his name for the bargain price of $150.00...Merry Christmas to me!
For me, this was less dramatic, I admit. Buddy had been having some "issues" (mostly involving dog pee) for several months... My issue on the Saturday before Christmas was, what do I do with a dead dog on the Saturday before a holiday? I couldn't very well leave him in a cooler on my front porch until the thaw in Spring. So...I started calling around and found that we could have our Buddy cremated. They indicated we could bring him in whenever we were ready...which was music to my ears since we were leaving the next morning to spend the holiday with family four-hours away. Of course this did not come without a hefty price tag...depending on size, there was a range of prices. Fortunately Buddy was small...only weighing about 12 pounds. I now have a lovely wood box, complete with lock and key and a tag with his name for the bargain price of $150.00...Merry Christmas to me!
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