One year ago today Little O's dad was moving out of our house and our new life was just beginning... I remember that day so clearly...O was having a fun sleepover weekend with Papa and Meema, and I was home dealing with the first day of the rest of my life. I remember thinking that things would be better...if I could just get through this, one year from now it would all feel so much different, better. Moving day was the first step and the rest would come after...
So, here we are... one year later. As I look at where we are today, and compare it to that day one year ago, things have certainly changed... What probably surprises me the most is just how resilient O has been...the ability that kids have to adapt to things just amazes me. She will tell you all about how she has two houses, which days she spends at which house, how daddy lets her do this and mama says we should do things like that... She is used to the new "normal". I know that she will never remember life when we were together as a family and selfishly I am thankful for that... She will always know that families come in all shapes and sizes and every one of them is just as good as the next.
As for me... When I really reflect on today versus that day one year ago, I know that I am stronger, happier, more secure. Is every day perfect just because I made the changes I needed to? No, of course not... There have been plenty of days when I wonder why I am not MORE happy than I am...but the reality is that you make the choices that you need to make and you move on. That doesn't mean that everything in your life is just right, it just means that you are headed in the right direction. I love being on my own, independent and in control of what I do... I love knowing that I make my own choices, that I don't have to compromise or accept less than I deserve. My life is good... It does not come without a price... Yes, the hardest thing is "sharing" time with O, and there are plenty of lonely nights, but I would never trade today for yesterday... Part of learning life's lessons is accepting the fact that there are hard things that come with making the right decisions. You don't get to pick and choose which consequences you can live with...you just have to deal with all of them. Part of getting the chance at a new beginning is learning to live with your past...
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Years from now when O is older and more aware than you want her to be, she will look at you and tell you how amazing you are. She'll tell you how proud she is of you, and what a great role model you are. And do you know what? She will be right. Mom
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