Alone or Lonely?

Why are most people so afraid of being alone?  Why does being alone seem to instantly be equated with loneliness?  A friend and I had dinner this week and were talking about a woman who had ended a bad relationship, but after just a few months of being on her own went back to the guy because she didn't like being alone.  Is it really that much better to be with the wrong someone rather than spending some time alone?

Maybe it is just me who does not get it... I don't happen to believe that being alone means that you have to be lonely.  I have plenty of experience with both being alone and being lonely, and I can tell you that the times in my life that I have been the loneliest were not when I was alone.  I don't think that there is anything more lonely than having another person in your life who you are so disconnected from that while you may be "together" you feel more alone with them than at any other time... Somehow that feeling of not being able to reach someone you thought you knew is so much more devastating, and yes, it is lonely...

I think sometimes that our fear of being alone is more about uncertainty that we might really get to know ourselves better... that we will have time to face the things in our life that we don't really want to examine all that closely.  Are we afraid that we won't like what we see?  Do we just fill our lives with other people and things to do in order to make sure we never have to face our true selves?  Are we just manufacturing distractions? 

Or...  Maybe it is everyone else's opinion that we are worried about?  Are we really just afraid of how everyone else will define us if we are alone?  I have several people in my life that won't go anywhere if they have to go on their own... they miss parties, and dinner with friends, and movies that they really want to see.  How is giving up the people and things that you enjoy better than doing them on your own?  Why are most of us so uncomfortable to face a crowd on our own?  Ever consider how many of the people in that crowd might be envious?  How many are jealous of the person who came alone?  Being in the middle of a group with someone else does not guarantee that your soul is not lonely...

Okay, so being alone is not always what it is cracked up to be either... and yes, sometimes it IS lonely.  But at the end of the day, I will take some loneliness in exchange for living a genuine life.  And to that end... I have spent months debating going to my twenty-year class reunion... Do I really want to face people I haven't seen in that long all on my own?  My fear is more about how they will judge my life than about not wanting to go by myself... So, time to take my own advice...own my own truth and not let fear stop me from getting to see old friends.  I know I can do this alone...