One Date Wonder...

I go on a lot of first dates... A LOT.  Don't get me wrong...there is not a line of guys around the corner waiting to ask me out...  It is only because of the matchmaker that I have a steady stream of first dates.  What I do not go on are very many second dates...and virtually no third dates.  At the beginning, this seemed like a part of the dating process... meet someone, you figure out early if there is any chemistry, and if not...well, that is it.  Why waste the other person's time, right?! 
 

I think I am a good first date... I am easy to talk to and know how to make the other person feel comfortable.  I never try to rush off to the next important thing I have to do...if you go out with me, you get my full attention.  And I am always willing to try (almost) anything at least once (whether that is a particular restaurant, activity...you get it).  So, I am sure I seem to be this laid back, easy to know, lighthearted person.

I was recently on a first date where the guy told me that he goes on a lot of first dates...but does not have many second dates.  He gave me his whole theory about how in the first fifteen minutes you know if you are going to want to spend more time with the other person or not.  I told him my own experience was basically the same...and felt good that we have the same philosophy.  And then he asked me to go on a second date with him...

I have started to notice that my pattern is pretty consistent... It is not that I go on first dates and never get ASKED to go on second dates.  Typically, I go on the first date, my date thinks we need to go on a second date, and I pretty much go out of my way to make sure we never go on that date...

So, if I am ready to be out dating, and I have no problem getting myself set up on all of these first dates, what is it that keeps me from wanting anything more than a first date?  Some of it does have to do with the fact that if I know I don't have any chemistry with you, I am not going to pretend that I want to continue to date you.  But, I have been on some first dates that had possibilities, and I always seem to do everything I can to avoid date number two... I am not sure what I am more afraid of...that I will actually like the person and want to have them in my life?  I am not sure I want to deal with the complications that will create.  Or, am I afraid that they will change their mind about me and I will be disappointed?  Am I making sure they have no real chance?

I think I know the answer... But knowing, does not change the complexity of the situation... Is it fair to keep going on first dates and giving a false expectation that a second date could happen?  Am I just leading these guys on, even if it is unintentional?  And what to do about the latest guy...second date, or no second date?

Sticks and stones...and one broken bone.

I have been accused a time or two of being an overprotective mother... What some define as overprotective, I would characterize as cautious and careful.  But these are all just words, right?!  Most importantly, I figure that the one person in the world I need to take care of is O, and since she is too small to know the danger in most things (for which I am thankful) it is up to me to keep her safe.  At the same time, I want her to have her freedom to explore the world around her and try new things.  And believe me, she is not shy when it comes to taking advantage of new opportunities... 

I believe there is a reasonable middle ground when it comes to deciding what safe is...  I am not obsessive to the point where she is wearing a helmet in the house "just because" and all the sharp corners are padded.  To the other extreme, you won't find me advocating that we run through the place with scissors either...  But I do think that some general common sense should be applied in physical situations, especially when she is trying out new things.

Fast forward to Christmas... Santa, in all his wisdom (and I was most definitely on board with this one), decided to give O roller skates.  One of the parents helping Santa made a strong suggestion (more than once) that a helmet and knee/elbow pads should also be part of the gift...but Santa made his purchase and it did not include those things.  I decided to give Santa some help and sent along knee/elbow pads in O's backpack...

New Year's Eve...  I call O to say goodnight and happy (almost) new year... and she tells me that "I fell, mama, and my elbow hurts".  When I asked her what had happened, she told me that she had been roller skating in the basement (NOT wearing her elbow pads) and had fallen.  Considering that it is not like her to make a big deal about falling down, I decided to ask Dad about what happened.  He seemed pretty confident that it was no big deal and that she would be fine.  When I checked on her the next day, however, she was still talking about the elbow...

After much debate back and forth between O's dad and I about the need to take her to Prompt Care for an x-ray...we were finally in agreement that she needed to go.  That is, until we arrived at Prompt Care and the line was at least twenty-five people deep...  I will sum up the next four hours by saying that I was quite happy to leave the not-so-prompt care with only ONE of us in a temporary cast.  Diagnosis...broken elbow.

We are now three days into our first "broken bone" experience... We are figuring out what works in the bathtub, which clothes can be worn when you have one big arm and one small arm, how to get in and out of the car, how to maneuver in the bathroom, etc.  O is learning a good lesson about how to live with some temporary limitations and about how to accept things that you can not change.

I am also certain of another lesson...accidents happen, even when you do your best to prevent them.  They happen on any day at any time.  They happen whether you are an overprotective parent or the parent who throws caution to the wind.  And they happen with or without the helmet and knee/elbow pads... I am still committed to my "careful" approach...and quite honestly worried that when O is considered "healed" I am going to wish I could put her in bubble wrap for some period of time.  But, kids need to be kids... So, I will continue to be cautious, but give her some space to be herself.