Broken Hearted....

If you had your heart broken, or let’s just say it, smashed… is it really possible for it to heal so that it can be broken again? And if it wasn’t healed fully, what happens when you give that broken heart to someone else, someone that ends up breaking it more than it was already damaged in the first place? If it wasn’t healed to begin with, can it even be broken again or broken more or broken worse? Is that possible?

The next question is this… How many times can your heart be broken until there just isn’t anything left to be hurt? Can the right person have the magic glue that puts the pieces of your heart back together? How do you put your heart into that person’s hands…how can you trust them to take care of it? Or, do you just pretend to have a heart that can be broken, all the while protecting what is left of the one you started out with? Can you let someone into your life and not get too close, not put that trust in them?  Do they know?  Would they understand?  Do you just end up driving them away?

Why do we come back for more? Do we ever really reach a point where enough is just finally enough? Does it make you a hopeless romantic if you just keep going back for more? Or does it make you a “hopeful” romantic?  We all need and want love in our lives... Can the lessons from the past make you smarter, more prepared, more ready to take a real risk on someone?  Or, do you just try to convince yourself that you are "putting yourself out there" because you know you have to...or risk being alone?

I know that my "frog" experiment has taught me a lot of valuable lessons... I finally know what kind of person I really want in my life, and I know THAT person is not easy to find and that I need to keep my eyes open so that I don't miss him... or chase him away with the insecurities and doubts that come with all the baggage from my past.  I also know that I deserve someone great, that I have a lot of love to give to the right person, and that the right man is lucky to have me...and I should not settle for less than having that person in my life.  I also get it that I can't compare every man that comes into my life with those that live in my past, despite how hard it is to truly forget the hurt that typically comes with taking a chance on someone.

I find myself getting attached to a newish "frog" and feeling the beginnings of something...that could be a real something if I just gave it a chance.  I have resisted the urge to protect myself...resisted the urge to run before it is too late.  None of that stops me from questioning everything...  He seems too good to be true... Is this real?  Is it just finally the right time?  So... I find myself at that critical point...the one where you have to let go and see what happens...

Girlfriends...

"...my friend, she is my insides..." Carrie, Sex & The City

There is something special about girlfriends... they are your family, they know you better than you know yourself, they make you laugh, they hold your hand when you cry, they cheer for you when you succeed.  Sometimes they ARE your family, sometimes they are a childhood friend that has known you forever; most of the time they are the women you have met over time, through all of life's twists and turns...boyfriends, jobs, school, etc...  I have always believed that the amazing women I have met over the years have all come into my life for some reason or another...

My girlfriends have gotten me through everything... the good times and the not so good times; they understand me better than anyone, they tell me the things that I need to hear (whether I will like them or not), and they are the women that I always know that I can count on... they have helped me through difficult decisions, talked me down from the ledge when I do my usual over-analysis of a situation, and encouraged me to take a chance when I really just want to run...

When I try to imagine what my life would be like without my girlfriends...well, I just can't.  It is literally inconceivable to me.  So, it is hard to hear that someone who was a friend of mine in high school has passed away...  I will always remember her as a sweet, loving, teenage girl, that I got to know as "Sarah Sue" when we worked together at Adrian's Frozen Custard.  I lost touch with her in the years that followed high school, and now I will always regret that we never did hook up for that cup of coffee we talked about getting this past December, when we reconnected after so many years.

The message today is this... keep your girlfriends close.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day of life and responsibility, and neglect the relationships that mean the most to us.  When we assume that we have all of the time in the world to "catch up" with those important women, sometimes we find that time has run out on us...  For all of the girlfriends in my life... you are MY "insides"; you mean everything to me and I can't imagine being ME without having YOU.

Smart Men, Smart Women?

A friend of mine sent me the following article this week... I think this was an effort to see if I could be coaxed into a blog topic...which, of course, I have totally fallen for.  This is for you, my friend! 

The following was written by John Carney, CNBC.com, in response to an article in TheGloss.com by Jennifer Wright...  See the link... "Why Do Smart Men Date Dumb Girls?"

http://www.cnbc.com/id/41872437/

You all know that I cannot just walk away from this one without saying something, right?  The article tries to answer the question of why smart men date dumb girls by suggesting that it is just easier... that it requires less effort on the part of the man if he chooses the dumb girl.  The article also seems to suggest that for dumb girls, they have more motivation to go out with smarter guys and so they try harder to find those guys.  Well... here are my two cents on this one...

Dumb girls, smart guys... Let's just get this one out of the way.  The argument that a "dumb" girl wants to date a smart guy because she has few opportunities and needs the smart guy to take care of her, sounds pretty old-fashioned doesn't it?  I would argue that the man who believes that he has landed a dumb girl because he is just so smart and she needs him to care for her may NOT be so smart himself... Perhaps the "dumb" girl is a lot smarter than he is giving her credit for... If she is smart enough to figure out how to get you to take care of her, maybe she isn't so dumb after all???

Smart guys, dumb girls... I get the argument that if you are Mr. Smart Guy and spend all of your time and energy focused primarily on a career, it may be difficult to "fit" a smart woman into that lifestyle.  The reason it is going to be difficult is not only because she will have her own priorities, but she will demand that if you want her in your life you actually make some time in that busy schedule to see her.  That requires time and effort, and maybe, sometimes, compromise... 

I would argue that while the relationship will take more work, the rewards are greater (and how smart is the guy that does not know this?).  The idea of the little woman at home awaiting your arrival each day after a hard days work may be appealing, but will it keep you challenged?  Will you have something to talk to that person about, if all they do is spend their time waiting for you to make time for them?   I think that short-term this type of situation may have some appeal, but in the long term the smart man is going to be bored and find himself in a relationship that feels pretty empty...    The smart men that I know appreciate smart women in their life because they keep them on their toes...and whether they will admit it or not, those men like a good challenge, they enjoy the hard work required to get the best things in life.

So, now let's flip the whole situation around... if a smart man wants a dumb girl, does a smart girl want a dumb man???  I consider myself to be one of those smart girls, and personally, I like a smart man in my life for all the same reasons that I think a smart man wants a smart woman.  I like a good challenge... I want a man that is strong in his own opinions and can handle it when I argue with him about current issues.  I like a man who is passionate about the things he cares about, is always learning, and has a well-rounded life (unlike the career guy that seems to only have one thing going on?).  This man won't just let me get away with anything because he thinks I am smarter than him... He will always keep things interesting and treat me like an equal...which makes the relationship good for both of us.