Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love is a favorite of mine... quite truthfully, I think I have read the book completely about three times now. And I have probably read parts of the book another who-knows-how-many times... My copy looks a little ragged... the pages turned over, scribbles on the pages to mark the "good stuff", etc... You can clearly tell that it is a favorite of mine.
My preoccupation with Gilbert's story has a few sources... First, I feel like I can relate to someone who finds herself trying to silently cry in the middle of the night, on the bathroom floor...while her husband peacefully sleeps in the other room. I am no stranger to finding myself at a crossroads in which there is no doubt that a change has to happen, easy or not. Secondly, there is something about a book in which the author can say things in just the right way that her words feel like they could have been plucked out of your brain, if only you had been able to say it all in the way that she does. Finally, I love the idea of making a radical change in your life in order to find yourself...if it involves traveling around the world, well then the idea has that much more appeal. Italy, India, Indonesia...what an amazing year.
What I find just as fascinating as the book itself, is other people's reaction to the book... Generally I find that those I talk to about the book have fairly strong feelings about it...they either really like the book, or they really do not like it. When someone brings the book up, I can't help but "quiz" them on how they feel about it and why...it has become my own little informal survey. And for the purposes of full disclosure...I have yet to meet a man who has read the book (or will admit to me he has). So... For the most part, I find that women tend to really like the book when they have been through personal struggles themselves...especially if those challenges were related to the relationship they have with themselves as well as others. To them, Gilbert is a champion of change. I also find that women who do not like the book tend to categorize Gilbert as self-centered and immature, with an idealistic view of what life/relationships should be.
While these are two very opposing points of view, what makes them the most interesting (to me) is that they both are provoked by strong reactions to the book. For those that enjoyed the book, I think we appreciate someone we can relate to, who also helps to validate for us that sometimes you have to be selfish to do the right thing (for everyone involved). I also think this type of thinking is part of the reason why some people do not like the book...it is hard to swallow the idea that it is okay to put yourself first sometimes, it is okay to leave a relationship that isn't obviously broken by abuse or infidelity, but that just is not right. I think that notion makes many people uncomfortable...and it is uncomfortable because it sounds like an indefensible position. Indefensible especially for those of us that have grown up with traditional values that define marriage in a very strict sense...for better or worse, until death do we part.
I think this book tends to spark debate...or at least all sorts of interesting chatter. What is marriage (or any committed relationship) suppose to be? How do you define what is acceptable or unacceptable? What does the "or worse" part of the vows really cover? Is it okay to be in an empty relationship that does not nurture your body, mind, or soul? Why is THAT type of relationship okay and one that is abusive is not okay? How are they any different? Or, are they both wrong (or okay, if you can live with the situation)? Is one just easier to hide and/or accept than the other? Maybe it is a function of what we as individuals decide for ourselves are the limits we can or can not live within... And maybe most important...how do the relationships in our lives reflect the value we place on ourselves?
How do we as individuals fit into the equation? This book is truly about self-discovery...and, I believe, how being our best selves makes us the kind of person that can be successful in a relationship with someone else. If we are broken as individuals, how can we sustain a relationship with anyone else? The homework for all of us... Have a fabulous relationship with yourself...learn all there is to know about YOU, including what makes you happy, what nurtures your soul, where your passion lies...and then give the gift of you to the right people in your life.
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